


The Patron Saint of Lost Causes

by weirdlyabnormal



Series: Mavin AU [4]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Underage Sex, Young
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-26 12:40:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 16
Words: 21,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6239779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weirdlyabnormal/pseuds/weirdlyabnormal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gavin's lost his leg, his friends and now his family in a tragic incident seven long months ago. Now he's being sent to People Can Change- a camp for young teens who've lost God- to correct what was never really wrong.</p><p>'And for once in his pitiful life- he didn’t even give a shit.</p><p>Not about God, or the high-school bullies, or even really his parents.</p><p>He had found where he belonged- and it was with the miscreants and sinners.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**27th February 2016**

"You have to promise me you'll try".

Gavin looked out the window of the car, watching the fields and pylons fly by.

"I promise mum"

The prosthetic leg still felt alien on his skin, cold and unfamiliar. He'd had it about four months and walking was still shaky, but it was far better than the wheelchair he had had to use for a few months previous; he could actually have a little bit of freedom.

And just that bit of freedom was something Gavin would give anything for, even months of feeling the excruciating pain of learning to walk again. After all- freedom was about to become something incredibly rare.

Gavin was going to the 'People Can Change: adolescent conversion centre' in someplace in the middle of nowhere, Texas. It was a camp for teenagers who showed 'un-Christian' values- the most common being homosexuality (why Gavin was going) - but it also dealt with alcoholism, drug abuse and pre-marital sexual activity. Basically it’s where hyper-religious weirdo-parents send their kids for not listening in Sunday school.  
The only thing Gavin had retained from the brochure was that there are no 'negative electronical intrusions'- so no phones or video games.

It didn't sound great, but he had promised his mum several times that he would try to let himself be converted. After all- they were paying $24,000 a year for the 'specialist treatment'.

When they finally arrived, Gavin wobbled his way to the front door of the building as his mum carried his suitcase. The building was made of off-grey stone, and looked like a family home (except for the People Can Change sign above the glass door, and its slightly larger size). It was in the middle of nowhere, fields and fields of land surrounding it- but then in the distance he could see the outline of a small town, and then a clear lake. A middle aged women with a dodgy perm came to greet them- smiling widely at Gavin and leading them into the building. She was slightly chubby- her pink cardigan's buttons strained and her jeans giving her serious muffin top. She punched the key code into the door and took them down a narrow corridor to a small office. Once there, she took his medicine before introducing herself as Mrs. Carlston, mother of four and head psychologist at People Can Change.

Gavin watches as blobs of phlegm spray out of her mouth with every 's' or 't' she speaks, and how she smiles so serenely, sedately every time she punctuates a sentence. His mother is head over heels for her already, lapping up the descriptions of how 'kind' everyone is and how Gavin will 'fit right in' and will be making a 'recovery in no time'.

Gavin could only think about how space gravity was different to earth gravity.

It's not that he wasn't interested in what Mrs. Carlston was saying- it's just that he'd had the same lectures and the same information blasted at him for the last seven months, and he was pretty damn bored of it.

After he had his phone taken of him (he was allowed one hour on it at the weekend), Mrs. Carlston took him to his room. He was going to be sharing with three other boys, and he had the bottom bunk of one of those cheap metal ikea bunk beds. Currently it had a load of stuff on it, probably from the other boys, so he couldn't really put his stuff anywhere. The walls were all the same hospital white, with no posters. Rules of the room included keeping the door open at all times- unless you were getting dressed or undressed- and the room would be searched monthly for forbidden items.

"Alright sweetheart, I'm going to have to be off now, you know what Dad's like if I forget his Sunday roast. Promise to call me this weekend honey." Gavin's mum said in a manner far to chipper for a mother leaving her son.

"Oh don't worry- I'll make sure he gives you a ring" Mrs Carlston interrupted before Gavin could even open his mouth to reply.

They walked as a group back to the front door, and as Gavin hugged his mum goodbye, he felt her hands clutch his arm, digging in her nails, before letting go.

He wouldn't see her again for two months.

By this point, Gavin's prosthetic had started to act up, and he was finding it hard to walk without leaning on the white corridor walls. Mrs. Carlston took him to the common room, a large room with the same white coloured walls- but now with pictures of teenagers and newspaper clippings pasted on them. There were two large cream sofas, a glass coffee table and a chunky tv. On the sofa was a kinda handsome boy who looked a couple of years older than him watching some program about moving houses, and a girl with blonde hair reading a magazine. Mrs. Carlston introduced them as Ryan and Barbara, while Gavin sat down to give his leg a rest. Ryan was in there for premarital sex and general disobediance, and Barbara for homosexual tendencies, and both were fairly new- they had only been at the centre for a couple of months. Mrs. Carlston turned off the tv, and asked Ryan to take Gav under his wing while she sorted out his paperwork.

They were nice enough, their chatter sweet and funny, but however much he tried he couldn’t get into it. It was so difficult to think of how he’d just been left here, and he couldn’t ignore the subtle undertones of helpless-ness this entire place gave off.

But still, after a while he let himself be swept in, and soon they were all laughing and joking like nothing was new or strange about the situation at all.

“What happened to your leg?”

“It was, um, an accident a couple of months back”

An awkward silence fell over them.

“So… why you here?” Barbara asked.

“My parents found out I was…. I was gay a couple of months back, and, well, as soon as I could walk proper they sent me here. You know, to correct it or whatever.”

“We’ve all been there dude. Mom found out when she checked my internet search history. Apparently ‘lesbian sex’ isn’t a very subtle porn search for a girl.”

“My mom sent me here cause I got a girl pregnant, and for underage drinking. It’s kinda weird being one of three supposedly straight people here” Ryan gave a short laugh.

“How many people are here?”

“18, 15 of them are gay and three of them are just rascals like our dear Ryan here.”

“Hey, I’m not a rascal! I’m just a little bit miscalibrated according to my therapist”

“So just tell me the truth- their takin’ the piss right? They can’t actually ‘heal’ us or anything?”

“You got it, some people have been here for years and are still as bent as the day their arrived.”

“Take Michael- he’s been here 2 and half years now and he still sneaks out on the weekend to go to the gay bar a town once-over”

Before Gavin could ask more, Mrs. Carlston entered the room, and Ryan and Barbara instantly started smiling sweetly.

“Oh and we have church on Sunday” Barbara started- tyring to make their conversation seem as innocent as possible.

Mrs. Carlston smiled a little “It’s nice to see you fitting in so well Gavin, and here I was worrying Barbara and Ryan would be too overly extroverted for you”

Barbara giggled sweetly- the perfect image of a charming teenager.

“The rest will be back soon- they went on a nice trip into the local town- as soon as you get your level two clearance you’ll be able to go out fortnightly on a little field trip”

“Level two clearance?” Gavin asked, punctuating with a smile- still timid around the woman.

“Sorry, I must’ve forgotten. You get different levels of clearance- or independence- depending on your trustworthiness”

“Babz and I have level 1 but were levelling up this week” Ryan stated.

“It’ll probably only take you a couple of weeks- you seem like a very lovely boy” Mrs. Carlston said “I can already see we’re going to have no trouble at all with you!”

Then they all did that awkward giggle- similar to how you would laugh along with a teacher who made a bad joke.

“Well, to introduce new members of our little family, we usually have a movie night! We have all the Disney and Pixar movies, and a couple of documentary series too. All our movies are PG-13, since we have some 13 year old’s here- and the hooligans like Ryan don’t exactly need any ideas!” She laughed heartily, not noticing the awkward chuckles from the teenagers.

“Well, I’ll leave you too it sweeties. What would you like for dinner Gavin? We have organic fish sticks or Free Range chicken breasts.”

“Chicken would be nice, thank you Miss.”

“Aw, you have such a charming accent. Ryan, you could really learn a lot from this boy about how to act like a gentleman. Okay, I’ll go get started on the chicken- the others should be back within the half hour, and it’s always nice for them to have a hot meal waiting! Barbara, would you like to come give me a hand?”

Mrs Carlston must’ve been positioned in a way in which she couldn’t see the subtle eye roll from Barbara as she stood up to assist, since she didn’t mention it. Gavin felt kind of bad for Barbara, but got the feeling it wouldn’t exactly be welcome if he offered to help instead.

As soon as they were gone, Gavin launched into another round of questions for Ryan- a sudden curiosity coming over him.

He found out that he was sharing a room with Ryan, and two other boys called Ray and Michael (who Gavin assumed was the same Michael who was mentioned earlier). Ryan informed him that whenever the disabled loo was locked that there was probably a couple having sex- same going for the shed in the garden and the cabin in the woods a little while into the lands surrounding them. In fact, Ryan said, pretty much the only reason anyone here went to the forest was to fuck. He went onto say that he was actually bi- and dating Ray- but didn’t say anything about it because the non-homosexual’s got better treatment than the homosexuals. Gavin found out about the porn stacks, and the hotline numbers (both for suicide prevention, and for phone sex), and how a boy called Geoff always had booze and a phone to share, and was a pretty mean poker player. He expanded on the trips to the gay bar- and how they’d definitely make sure to take him next time (especially since he was the kind of vulnerable twink to have never even really talked to another gay person without being scared of people finding out).

Gavin was feeling more and more drawn to this idea of a life with no consequences- it seemed, according to Ryan, that you could do anything you liked here as long as you could pass as an innocent downtrodden kid in front of the adults.

Basically, Gavin was gunna be three times more sinful in the centre than out of it.

And for once in his pitiful life- he didn’t even give a shit.

Not about God, or the high-school bullies, or even really his parents.

He had found where he belonged- and it was with the miscreants and sinners.


	2. Various storms and saints

**15 months previous- December 2014**

_Gavin looked up at his new school. It looked like that shithole from ‘The Breakfast Club’, just obviously not as deserted. Little groups of teenagers clustered and laughed, clear cliques already fairly obvious- the preppy teens with their rose-gold iPhones and delicate features; the ‘Alternatives’ with the 2005 side fringes; the band nerds carrying some seriously heavy-looking cases; and what Gavin could only assume were the jocks in letterman jackets (he didn’t think people actually wore them in real life)._

_He couldn’t help but feel like he didn’t fit in with any of these groups, like he didn’t fit in anywhere._

_But anyway, it wouldn’t do to worry about that now. Gavin walked into the entrance of the school, past the corridors of lockers spanning roof to floor- again, this was new since lockers in Gavin’s old school were the size of shoeboxes purely used for keeping pe kits in._

_He somehow made his way to reception. There was a woman behind the desk with clumped mascara and one of those French silk scarves, accompanied with a scowl. Gavin guessed it was probably a stressful day for her- it was the first day of school after the holidays after all. There were a cluster of other students waiting by the desk and in the reception of the office, and so he just decided to wait in line. When the bell went for first period the queue dramatically dwindled, until it was just him and another boy. The receptionist gave Gavin a timetable and a locker number, and introduced him to the other boy, Dan, who was going to be showing him around today._

_When Gavin properly looked at Dan, he could see the way he smiled easily, little half dimples forming on his cheeks and wrinkles on his nose emphasising his light freckles._

_Dan joked with him about halo (they switched gamer tags) and about their first period American history teacher (Gavin had to take freshman American history- and Dan was taking it just because he was super bad at history and flunked it last year)._

_Gavin’s heart felt a little pull and confusion filled his brain. He could feel himself blushing- feel himself become slightly giddy on something- what he didn’t know._

 

* * *

 

**Present day- 27th February 2016**

Half an hour later, Gavin watched from the window as a minibus of kids came up to the house. They all slid out- carrying paper bags and wearing matching pale blue or pale pink t-shirts (obviously dictated by gender- but it left several people looking rather odd). There were two adults with them- a tall lanky man with an easy grin and a smaller male with a mop of curly hair.

 

As the rest of the kids leapt out of the bus and began coming into the house to the welcoming smell of burnt chicken, Gavin watched as a teenage boy with curly red hair and a splattering of freckles was getting yelled at by one of the adults, and how he kept an easy smirk throughout. Gavin looked away- he did not want his first impression of this boy to be one of anger- his face seemed to hold a peaceful quality about it that Gavin couldn’t quite place.

 

The kids seemed to pause in the doorway of the common room as they saw Gavin, and then saw Gavin’s leg, before staring their conversations up again, giving him wary looks out of the corner of their eyes. Ryan disappeared for a bit only to reappear a minute or so later with a skinny boy in tow- who was introduced as Ray. Ray looked as if he was almost scared of Gavin, a shy smile glancing his lips like a baby bird scared to take flight.

 

Before they could start a conversation, a boy with the creeping black of a tattoo on his arm, and a boy with a sweet smile came to greet him. They introduced themselves as Geoff and Jack respectively- and ‘the only dammed straight people here’. Ryan blushed a little at that, before laughing.

 

“Why’s Michael getting yelled at out there?” Ryan asked

 

“Eh, something about him winking at a boy? He’s fucking reckless that one.” Geoff replied. He turned to look down at Gavin, who was still sitting due to his earlier prosthetic problems. “So kiddo- where you from? Your accent sounds a little off”

 

 “I’m originally from England- we moved here a couple of years ago now”

 

“Aww, sweet. Do they actually eat fish and chips or is that a myth?” Ray said, his shyness evaporation before Gavin’s eyes

 

“Why the fuck would someone make that up?” Ryan smiled a little before resting his finger on Ray’s wrist- inconspicuously, of course.

 

“I don’t know- there are some fucked up people out there.”

 

“Ryan, Ray come set the table for dinner please”. Mrs Carlstons head popped round the door. Ryan gave Gavin a little smile, and nodded at Geoff before leaving.

 

“So, are you alright to walk, you know, with that prosthetic” Geoff started

 

“Eh, I’m no speed walker but I can get places fine. My muscles get cramp quite quickly though which is a bit poncy”

 

“Poncy? Is that made up?’

 

“Oh, uh sorry. I do that sometimes” Gavin felt himself become flushed. He must seem like some stupid kid to these guys, naïve and idiotic.

 

To his surprise Geoff gave him a smile, and Jack a gentle laugh.

 

“I think you’re gunna get along just fine here kiddo. Stick with us and we’ll keep you sane.”


	3. Long & Lost

**15 Months Previous- December 2014**

_Gavin had ever felt so much like a fish out of water. He was trying to find somewhere to sit in the cafeteria- and never before had he related to Lindsay Lohan so much. He finally understood that scene in mean girls when she went to sit in the loos at lunchtime- and Gavin just found himself wondering just how acceptable that would be considered socially here when he saw Dan waving him over._

_Gavin grinned and suddenly felt that same flutter in his stomach he had felt earlier when they had been introduced._

_He pushed it down- hard. He made his way over to Dan’s table and found himself being introduced to his friends. There was a pretty blonde called Riley, and her boyfriend Harry; a boy called Jake and his girlfriend Miya, who had a very strong Mexican accent; and a couple of nerdy looking boys who Gavin almost instantly lost the names of. They seemed nice enough- but Gavin found more and more that he couldn’t really understand their conversation as they talked about some boy the year above them, or the senior girl who was pregnant, or that freshman who pissed his pants on the field trip. Isolation was almost completely consuming him as he watched everyone around him have fun and conversing, while he just sat and watched them._

_He didn’t notice as Dan kept side-glancing him, a small frown gracing his lips as Gavin stared down his manky macaroni._

_Gavin did, however, notice the way his heartbeat would quicken every time Dan touched him slightly, with his foot, with his fingertips._

_By the end of lunch period Dan had finally got a conversation out of Gavin about England- what exactly Gavin couldn’t exactly remember as he became more and more distracted by the way he would swear and give a short laugh before realising he didn’t understand the joke._

_He would feel a swell of pride every time Dan got one of his jokes and would let out his hearty laugh and shrivel his eyes._

_It was just first day nerves- right? That’s the lie Gavin was willing to accept._

 

* * *

 

  **A list of ‘People Can change’ attendees.**

(HT= HOMOSEXUAL TENDENCIES, ASB= ANTISOCIAL BEHAVIOUR, DA= DRUG ABUSE, SGC= SEVERE GENDER CONFUSION)

Michael Jones - **HT & DA**

Gavin Free -  **HT**

Ray Narvaez Jr -  **HT & DA**

Miles Luna -  **HT & SGC**

Kerry Shawcross -  **HT**

Jeremy Dooley - **HT & ASB**

Chris Demarais -  **HT & SGC**

Jon Risinger -  **HT**

Jordan Cwierz -  **HT**

Kdin Jenzen -  **HT & SGC**

Barbara Dunkleman -  **HT**

Lindsay Jones -  **HT & ASB**

Ashley Jenkins -  **HT**

Meghan Turney -  **HT & DA & ASB**

Kara Eberle -  **HT**

Geoffrey Ramsey -  **ASB & DA**

James Ryan Haywood -  **ASB & DA**

Jack Pattillo - **ASB & DA**

 

* * *

 

**PRESENT**

Gavin had been introduced to everyone at the centre now. They were all very nice seeming- if a little intimidating. Some made it very clear that they’d be out of the centre soon and it was just by mistake they were here- while some steered the conversation onto something completely and utterly different.

Meg Turney was by far the funniest. She kept on bragging about how she was just _so bad_ that she had three reasons to be here. (One of the main co-ordinators cleared their throat at that, which Meg had the decency to blush at.)

The three co-ordinators were Mrs Carlston, a man called Joel Heyman who gave Gavin the creeps every time he smiled, and another man called Matt Hullum who seemed very distant and had barely introduced himself before disappearing.

The boy who had been being yelled at, who Gavin later found out was Michael Jones, had introduced himself with a smile, followed by a laugh at Gavin’s accent. Gavin could already feel himself being pulled to him- the same way he had felt months ago- but he wouldn’t let himself answer the tug.

Sure the way he smiled was sweet- the closing of his eyes and the furrowing of his brows as his delicate curls bounced up and down- but it was too close, too soon, and his life before was not yet distant enough to let himself feel anything like what he had before again.

Too much shit had happened last time- and anyway, he was here to get better; to learn how to ignore the calling he felt when he saw a boy; to learn how to transfer those feelings to girls. Even if he thought this entire ethic was bullshit, he had still promised to give it a go.

Surely it would be worth it if nothing like the accident happened again?

Surely it would be worth it if it meant his mother loved him again, if it meant he could be his father’s son again?

Gavin was sure of the answers, but it was all dependent on how hard he would try.

And he would try, his parents deserved that much.

And so that was why he only let himself feel superficial emotions towards the boys at the centre- and in the following days he started to force himself to try to find attractive things about the girls there.

He found some lesbian porno mags underneath Barbara’s bed- and when he was alone he would try to jack of to the pictures of girls with giant tits, but to no avail. When release came he would always be imagining the face of a boy- and it would be their hands not his wrapped around his dick.

His subconscious latest favourite fantasy would involve him staring at Michael Jones’ brown eyes and their surrounding freckles as he came into his hand.

It was all very frustrating.

It didn’t help that Michael loved getting reactions out of Gavin- flirting with him whenever he could and obviously checking Gavin out as they were getting changed for whatever sport they were being forced to play that day. 

Gavin was so completely torn.

Michael had the feel of something dangerous- something forbidden yet enticing. All Gavin’s new friends could sense the attraction between them- Geoff cracking jokes about Gavin _already_ finding a boyfriend, and Ryan telling them to remember to put the hairband on the door handle- since there was no way he wanted to walk in to Gavin getting it in the butt (to which he replied that there was no way he’d bottom- at least not until Michael brought him dinner.)

Gavin could feel the gentleness in him too- the way he would protect Gavin if people asked too many personal questions about his leg, or would always run back with him when they were forced to run the trail through the small woodlands.

It was just that…. He had to try. No matter how many times he tried to justify it to himself- there was no way you could get your homosexuality cured _and_ have a boyfriend.

Maybe as he got better he would be able to ignore the attraction better?

Most of Gavin didn’t believe that he could get better- but at the end of the day that wasn’t the point. His mantra had become that he had to try, almost as if to prove that he couldn’t change it.

And so he went to group therapy sessions and one-on-one sessions with Mrs. Carlston with no complaint. He let himself be told he would never have children- never be accepted by god- all in the hopes of doing the method- playing the part- properly.

It just hurt.

It stung and pulled and ached every time he woke and realised that he was _here,_ and in the bunk above was a boy he was undeniably attracted to- but could never have if he wanted to go back home.

Home.

The idea was becoming fuzzy and unclear, and it only took two weeks before he forgot what colour his brother’s wallpaper was, or what shade of purple his mother’s cactus flowered.

Weeks had passed and he still felt the same as before, just with more exercise and access to liquor.

He got drunk pretty much every weekend with his little circle of friends (Geoff had completely taken him under his wing by this point- filling the protective older brother part perfectly.) On Saturdays they had no therapy sessions or tutoring so they would go out into the woods and drink some of Geoff’s precious supply of vodka or Jack’s beer (all of which were hidden in a cool box which had been buried underneath the forest floor). On Saturday evenings, however, Gavin really relaxed- since Michael would usually sneak out to go to the gay bar, which left Gavin a few hours of rest bite from what had become an almost yearning sensation in his stomach.

The co-ordinators would never even notice the drunk state they were in- not even when Gavin got to the stage when he would hug everyone and become overly touchy, or the stage when Jack would be laughing hysterically every time someone so much as made a pun (this is where Barbara really shined- making Jack laugh until he almost vomited on a fortnightly basis.)

Gavin felt himself slotting into place at the centre. He still knew almost no one’s story of why they were here- but he assumed they were all pretty similar anyway. He’d learnt the relationships early (Kerry and Miles, Lindsay and Meg, and Ryan and Ray). He’d found ways to stay out of the fights that would happen often- and were almost approved by the co-ordinators since it was a ‘show of masculinity’ (although they would always try to stop them- they didn’t want anyone’s families suing.) He was ahead in all his lessons, and he had developed very good skills in getting the TV remote of pretty much everyone (except of Meg who had the strength of someone almost three times her size.)

He was fitting in- which he found kind of funny in a strange sort of way. It was almost as if he belonged here- which would be ridiculous- but whatever. It made sense in whatever fucked up universe he was living in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I'm seriousy unhappy with this chapter- I might delete and re-upload?  
> 2) Just because characters aren't in the little list thingy it doesn't mean they won't be in the story- I have some very specific roles for some people (namely Griffon, Burnie and Gus), and a lot of the people in the list thingy probably won't even have proper lines.  
> 3)My updating of this story is probably gunna be annoyingly all over the place- and I'm very sorry about that. You might have to badger me in the comments to remind me the fanfic even exists I'm just so shitty at remembering to update.  
> 4)The plot is probably kind obvious huh? I'll try and make it more interesting...


	4. How big, How blue, How beautiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a irritatingly short sort-of-filler chapter but the way I see it you can't complain cause I updated just so fast *insert smug face emoji*

  **15 months previous- 22nd January 2015**

_Dan and Gavin had become close friends. It was a little bit strange, since the only thing that seemed to link them was video games, but everyone could see how their friendship had blossomed and grown over the few weeks they had known each other. They just went together, complimenting each others features perfectly._

_The first time they kissed they were drunk._

_It was Gavin’s first time drinking, and Dan’s second time. It was the birthday party of one of their friend’s brothers, and Gavin had had a few too many vodka and cokes. They fell into the deserted upstairs bathroom, giggling over the cocky freshman who just lost at beer pong. Gavin was too far gone to be able to filter his words, and soon found himself rambling over that new phantom flex camera. Dan tried to follow along, but found himself more and more confused the more Gavin spoke of frame rates or film quality._

_He could kiss him._

_That possibility had never really occurred to Dan before, but now he was thinking about how gentle Gavin’s lips would be, and how his hair looked so soft, and how easy it would be to just grip his face and pull him close._

_And so he did it._

_Gavin made a little squeaky sound of shock as Dan pushed his lips against his, but didn’t push him off like Dan thought he might have. He tasted of vodka and coke, and smelt of Lynx deodorant, and the way they were perched on the side of the bath was as uncomfortable as it gets, but the feeling of Gavin’s lips against his caused the most euphoric surge of happiness he had ever experienced._

* * *

  **Present- 7th March 2016**

The showers at People Can Change were the grossest thing Gavin had ever seen. The lime scale completely overtook every shower head, hair clogged the drains, and mould was growing inbetween every individual tile.

However, Gavin would have been able to live with all of this if they had just got fucking separate cubicles. Having to shower with all your friends, having to look at everyone’s junk, was absolutely the weirdest thing to Gavin, and knowing they were all looking straight back at you was even worse.

Luckily, because he had to take off his leg, he got to choose when he showered since it would usually take longer that the 5 minutes scheduled for it in the morning. This meant that while he was here he’d never had to share a shower with anyone. That is, until today.

Michael Jones- of all people- had to walk into the shower room just as Gavin was getting undressed. He was covered in mud so he’d probably fallen in the woods or something, and obviously was in need of a shower. Gavin had the sudden urge to just shower fully clothed- as a complete and utter ‘fuck you’ to whatever god wanted to mess up his life this badly.

They awkwardly got undressed in silence- purposely not looking at each other. With a start Gavin remembered the awful scars on the left side of his torso, and started to cover it with his hand, but then realised he had to take his leg of. He tried in vain to try to cover it and remove his leg with one hand, but to no avail.

“It’s… It’s okay. We all have scars, you don’t have to worry about me judging you” Michael said from behind him, a strange timid quality in his voice that the brit had never heard before.

Gavin jumped and moved his hands back to the scars, flushing at the idea of Michael looking at his naked body.

“Look I bet they aren’t even that bad.” Michael went on to say.

Gavin stood up on his full leg, and leant his hand on the nearest wall in order to stable himself. His back was still to Michael, so he still couldn’t see the scars on his body.

When he turned to face Michael he saw the look of shock of his face, disrupting his usual smirk.

“Oh”

Gavin knew how bad it looked.

The word ‘faggot’ was carved in wobbly block capitals on his torso, outlining his too-prominent ribs and showing a snapshot of a past not yet distant enough.

Embarrassed, he made a grab for his shirt with his free hand- but soon felt it entrapped inside Michaels larger one.

“Gavin, look at me”

“I don’t want to. Let me go.”

“Gavin, please.”

The brit let himself look at Michael’s body. He didn’t see anything out of the ordinary until he saw the neat lines of red and white on his hip bones.

“Did you do that to yourself Gavin?” Michael asked gently as they finally made eye contact.

“No, no I didn’t”

“Are you sure? I won’t laugh at you, I promise”

“And I’m telling you- I didn’t do it to myself. Anyway, I should be the one asking you that, shouldn’t I?”

“I haven’t done it in months”

Gavin felt his arm start to cramp from holding him so long, but he didn’t want to break the eye contact with Michael.

“Good. I’m sorry but I’m gunna have to sit down, my arm’s starting to hurt.”

“I’ll join you.”

They sat together under the streams of hot water- Gavin with his full leg tucked up to his chest in an attempt to cover his dick (it didn’t matter anyhow- Michael had already seen it and was pointedly avoiding looking at it again in an attempt to keep his own dick under control).

They talked and laughed about pretty much anything to distract from the formerly heavy conversation (Michael giving a rather funny commentary on a boy he’d almost slept with last week at the gay bar- saying he felt like ‘motherfucking Cinderella’ having to run off back home so he’d be in time for breakfast.)

When Gavin got out of the shower room he realised he hadn’t even washed his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for more relationship development :D  
> Yay for character growth :D  
> Comment or leave kudos if you feel like it (it's cool if u don't)


	5. Kiss with a fist.

**14 months previous- 28th January 2015**

_The second time Dan and Gavin kissed couldn’t have been more different._

_They were doing their American history project on the assassination of JFK when it happened. Gavin had come around to Dan’s house for tea to work on it, and they were currently sitting in his room._

_Gavin had just accidentally glued Dan’s drawing of JFK upside down on the paper because they had been laughing too hard at Dan’s freshman shop project (a wonky stool upholstered with pyjama pants material). This led to Dan tickling Gavin, poking and irritating, loving the sound of his squeaky giggles as he rolled around on Dan’s bed. Soon they started wrestling and play fighting, which should have been an easy match since Gavin was at least half the weight of Dan, but he was a wriggly bastard; fidgeting and tickling back. It ended with Gavin straddling Dan’s hips- how they could never know._

_Dan could push him off._

_He was bigger than him- and now the boy was still enough for it to be easy to just flip him, or shove him off._

_Why wasn’t he pushing him off?_

_Maybe it was because of how Gavin just looked so… strange. His eyes were widened and, like a deer in the headlights, he was frozen in place. Dan’s thoughts spiralled back to the other week when they had kissed. He had thought that Gavin had forgotten- but looking at him now he wasn’t so sure._

_Gavin blushed and coughed slightly to break the silence when he started to climb off Dan, but before he could leave Dan’s vicinity he was grabbed by the shirt collar and guided down into a kiss._

_Gavin’s eyes were closed and his lips slightly puffy when Dan pulled back. Gavin seemed to take a moment to register that the pressure was gone from his mouth before opening his green eyes and meeting them to Dan’s. He broke into a wide grin and flushed an even deeper shade of red._

_They ended up getting a C on their project._

* * *

 

  **Present- 11th March 2016**

One on one therapy sessions with Mrs. Carlston were surprisingly not bad. She would start with offering Gavin some pink-wafers (anything sweet was in short supply so he would jump at the chance) and a cheery hello. They would then start with some brain teasers to ‘get them in the mood’ before chatting about Gavin’s life before the centre for the remaining half-hour. The thing Gavin liked the most about these sessions was that she would never prod too hard- always dropping a subject as soon as Gavin started to get uncomfortable

Group therapy was an entirely different matter. For forty-five minutes on a Wednesday afternoon Gavin had to sit in a room with other teenagers feeling like he was participating in bloody circle time all over again. In his group were Michael, Ray, Barbara, Miles and Lindsay.  Joel Heyman ran the sessions- he would give a prompt and get everyone to respond to it a couple of times.

In the few sessions Gavin had been to he had realised that Mr. Heyman just liked getting reactions out of the teenagers- getting them angry or upset seemed to be like a sport to him- smirking happily every time anyone did anything out of the ordinary.

It gave Gavin a little sick feeling in his stomach whenever he was asked a question by Mr. Heyman, since they would nearly always be about his leg, and although they were always asked in a perfectly nice manner (thank-you-very-much) they often had spite directed behind them, or involved him admitting to something scandalous.

It would be something along the lines of ‘so Gavin, what’s the worst thing about losing a leg?’ or ‘how long ago was the accident again?’

And although he would never explicitly ask about what had happened (Gavin was pretty sure he wasn’t allowed to), it would be implied in the questions that that is what he expected out of him.

As soon as a question like that was directed towards Gavin he would splutter around an answer before someone else would jump in and change the subject. Everyone seemed to have each other’s backs on certain subjects- Michael on his ‘anger problems’, Ray on his mum (who was dead or something along those lines), Barbara or Lindsay on their alcohol consumption, or Miles on pretty much anything to him wearing female clothes.

On one particular occasion, however, Joel was relentless in his questioning of Lindsay. He just kept on and on at her- talking about her behaviour before her admittance. From what Gavin could gather from the questions, Lindsay had been getting drunk and high pretty regularly, and got herself expelled from school for fighting all the ‘dickheads who called her a lesbo or faggot’.

She brushed the questions off at first- laughing and firing questions back, but he started getting more and more aggressive and she started crumbling. Even when Barbara pretended to fall of her chair in order to divert Mr. Heymans gaze, he just kept powering through.

When Lindsay started to cry Michael had had enough. He stood up, grabbed Lindsay’s arm, and stormed out the room with her sobbing unflatteringly on his shoulder.

Mr. Heyman just smirked.

Barbara later told him that that sort of spectacle would happen at least once a year- and usually was around the time where his girlfriend broke up with him.

Lindsay was fine a day later- with Michael and Meg acting guard dog to any unnecessary questions and Gavin continuingly playing whatever Wii game she wanted with her.

Gavin just hoped it wouldn’t be him next time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short filler chapter. at the moment im on holiday so I should probably get a few more chapters up soon but idk dont count on it.  
> Love you xx


	6. Mother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: SLURS + SCARS

  **13 months previous- 6th March 2015**

_Dan and Gavin’s first proper date was to the local cinema complex. They saw some crappy action movie with zero plot but enough slow-mo shots to keep Gavin happy, and enough badass fights to entertain Dan._

_It sounded cliché- to both of them- but this felt different to every other time they’d hung out with just the two of them._

_Maybe it was because of the way the usually confident Dan stuttered over asking Gav, or the way Gavin flushed while answering._

_Maybe it was to do with the way Dan insisted on paying Gav’s cinema ticket, and ignored Gavin’s confused look as he tried to repay him._

_But, most likely, it was because of the way their hands became closer and closer throughout the movie- never quite clasping together- but brushing against each other, sending shivers up their arms and causing Gavin to yet again blush (Dan was starting to notice that Gav turned red very easily)._

_When they left the cinema they went to the Burger King downstairs. Gavin gushed to Dan about the cinematography- but moaned about the predictable plot- as Dan ate his weight in chunky chips. They talked about how they should make their own movies, before laughing about how bad they would probably be, and how the only popular movies they could make would be porn. Somehow they started talking about the teachers at their school (Dan told Gavin about how one of the seniors had found their maths teacher on tinder, and how that senior had managed to get the teachers nudes.)_

_When Dan’s mum came to pick them up she smiled in the rear-view mirror. She had a soft spot for Gavin already- even though they’d only met in passing a couple of times. The way her son gushed about him let her know that he meant a lot to Dan- and she was pretty sure they’d just been on a date judging by the flush on their faces and the amount of cologne and lynx body spray Dan had put on. She thought it was sweet- and hoped that he would be able to talk to her soon about his relationship with Gavin. However, for now she was content to watch her son work things out and grow up on his own._

* * *

 

**Present- 2nd April 2016**

Gavin was having a bad day. It was Saturday, so usually he didn’t have any duties, but Mrs. Carlston had got him and the other boys dealing with ‘homosexual tendencies’ in for a special crash course on heterosexual sex.

It felt like getting ‘the talk’ all over again- just with a lady you barely knew telling you about boners instead of your parents.

In reality, it would probably have been fine had they not been shown a graphic video of a lady giving birth (Gavin was unsure as to how they thought showing a vagina getting ripped apart by a crying baby was supposed to make them want to procreate, but he was sure they had their reasons.)

By the end of the session it was time for dinner. The girls cooked special meals on the weekend- which meant that Barbara would be kindly asked to sit out (due to the pasta-burning incident) while the rest of the girls try to wrestle with whatever recipe they had been tasked with. In actuality this all meant that no one would have dinner for two days due to their crap cooking skills.

Today they had made a roast dinner- consisting of overcooked vegetables and undercooked chicken (how no-one ever got food poisoning Gavin would never know).

This was usually when the group would go to the woods to start drinking, and when Michael would go to the gay bar. However, this week Michael seemed insistent that the others joined him- maybe to do with all the recent drama, but more probably because the bus journey and walk to the bar and back were quite lonely and scary by yourself- even for a hot-headed New Jersey boy like Michael.

Gavin wasn’t really scared about getting caught- Michael had been doing it for ages and had never been found out- but he was scared about the prospect of something so new and unfamiliar.

What if someone tried to flirt with him? Wasn’t Gavin supposed to be trying to be straight- ‘giving it a go’?

Gavin decided to stay at the centre.

Michael, Ray, Ryan, Jeremy and the girls all set off to the club at around 11:30 through the window in the girl’s bathroom (it opened the widest- and could be opened from the outside.)

Gavin was alone for thirty minutes (at most) when a pyjama clad Geoff appeared around his door holding a bottle of whiskey and sporting a lopsided grin. Gavin was glad- it was weird how in such a short period of time it had become strange to not fall asleep to the sound of regular breathing and the creak of Michael’s bunk as he thrashed in the night.

He didn’t like being alone.

Not anymore.

He snuck into Jack and Geoff’s shared room and sat in the floor with them. They played monopoly- just with the added rule that every time you owed someone money you had to take a shot with it. By the time Jack got a hotel on bond street Gavin was wasted- flopping himself all over the other boys and knocking the board over so many times it had started to lose its charm. In the end Geoff and Jack both gave up with monopoly along with Gavin- all of them too drunk to be able to play at all.

Geoff and Gavin started wrestling and play fighting on the floor, while Jack was content to just occasionally poke Gavin to hear a squeak or kick Geoff to hear a chuckle.

And then Gavin’s top rose up.

He didn’t realise it for a second until he felt Geoff’s fingertips on his raised skin. He saw the confusion on Geoff’s face as he tried (and failed) to yank his t-shirt back down.

“Gavin?”

Jack’s voice cut through the night- tension now filling the room.

“I-I should go” Gavin started to stand up, but Geoff grabbed onto his leg like a toddler.

“Gavin, wh-what happened?"

He reacted so differently this time round to the scars being found purely because he was drunk. It was simple- nothing ambiguous or vague about it. Gavin was an emotional drunk- and this time around it caused him to cry.

Geoff and Jack didn’t know that.

They both instantly stood up- Jack hugging him hard around his shoulders and Geoff standing about awkwardly- wanting to do something but unsure about what.

“Did someone do that to you?” Jack asked when he broke the hug off.

“Y-yes”

“I’m gunna motherfuckin’ kill them” Geoff muttered.

“Geoff come on- not now. Look at him he doesn’t need this”

“How can someone fucking do that to a kid?”

“I don’t know, but that isn’t the god dammed problem here.”

“They fucking wrote ‘faggot’ on his skin! Like he was some fucking piece of meat!”

“St-stop”

Gavin was shaking now, and all of a sudden he felt remarkably sleepy- like cotton wool was smothering his brain.

“I want to go to bed. Please I want to go to sleep.”

 “It’s okay Gav, don’t you worry. I’m taking you back to your room now” Jack sent a look to Geoff- warning him to not say anymore.

Jack picked him up bridal style- which would be comical to Geoff any other time- and carried him through the corridor to his room. Gavin burrowed his head into Jack’s chest- the last of his tears soaking through his pyjama top. By the time Jack lay him down in his bunk bed and pulled his covers to his chin Gavin was almost asleep. He made sure to leave a glass of water on the cabinet in the room- and then took two seconds to make sure his blanket covered him properly before leaving.

“I’m sorry, I won’t do it again”

Jack was out of the doorframe when he heard those words- and felt his heart shatter.

“Do what again Gavy?”

“Make things bad. I always make things go wrong.” Gavin eyes were still closed, but Jack could still see the wetness on his cheeks.

"What?"

"It was my fault they did it. I should of just said sorry b-but I was an idiot"

"What are you talking about Gav?"

"N-nothing. Goodnight Jack. Thank you."

"...Goodnight Gavin. Sleep tight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) more mavin is to come- just trying to set the scene first+ show character relationships  
> 2)is this chapter okay? I'm kinda iffy about it  
> Love you guys :D


	7. Queen of Peace

  **13 months previous- 29th March 2015**

_“Mum I’m…. well I'm not sure, but I think I'm gay.”_

_Both of Dan’s older (twin) brothers were at a college party when he’d told his mum. They were watching X factor (Dan’s guilty pleasure) and eating leftover pizza when he’d felt the sudden urge to tell her._

_She’d grinned and hugged him, all before insisting he tell her everything about Gavin, and then demanding he properly invited him around for tea some time._

_Dan felt so unbelievable happy and lucky, as he looked at her grinning face._

_Dan had just finished gushing over skype to Gav about the whole experience when he heard his brothers slamming through the front door. He could tell they were drunk by the sounds of their laughs and the irregular stomping up the steps. It was funny to Dan- the idea of getting drunk. He and his friends had tried it a couple of times- and more recently he'd had a couple of beers with Gav- but the taste had never properly appealed to him._

_They started singing now- right on the landing outside his room. It was some strange version of ‘I will survive’ just with added-strange beatboxing underneath it (or was it laughing- Dan couldn't really tell)._

_And then came the unmistakeable sound of his mum slamming open her door. There was a beat of silence, followed by the sound of Dan’s mum screaming the house down about how they were supposed to be ‘responsible adults’ and that they were ‘too young to drink’ (they were 20) and that they were waking their ‘poor little brother’ (Dan resented being described as little). After a few more insults to their characters, and a few more giggles, they sulked of into their bedroom, and then there was silence._

_Dan decided it was probably time to go to bed._

* * *

 

**Present- 3rd April 2016 3:25 am**

Gavin woke up to the sound of Michael Jones crashing through the door of his dorm. He was obviously drunk, swaying through the room, trying- and failing- to grab onto the bunk bed ladder. Ryan and Ray were spooning on the bottom bunk of the other bed- Ray curled into Ryan’s arms- but Ryan’s eyes were opening now at the sight- or rather the sound- of Michael entering the room.

Gavin had never seen Michael so drunk- especially not this near to breakfast. Before they had all made sure to leave enough time to sober up- but it was clear that Michael would be hammered for at least a few more hours.

“Gavvvy-wavvy, I loooove you”

“Michael shut up before someone hears you.” Ryan grumbled.

Gavin ignored his own thumping headache- this was gunna be one hell of a hangover- to help Michael into his bunk bed. Michael’s actions were slow and clumsy as he climbed up the ladder and flopped into his bed.

“Gavvy you should’ve seen him! He had really pretty hair- it was so springy! And his eyes were so sweet and blue and gr-green.”

“Okay Mikey. You can tell me all about it in the morning.” Gavin lay back down under the covers of his bed.

“I wish you were there Gavvy. You’re so pretty! We co-could’ve danced together, and I could’ve introduced you to…” Michael looked pained for a second “…I can’t remember his name but his hair was really really pretty Gavvy.”

“I believe you Mikey, I’m gunna go to sleep now, you should too if you want to get any sleep before breakfast.”

“Okay Gavin. You should come with us next time!”

“Maybe.”

 

* * *

 

Church that morning was awful. Gavin, Geoff, Jack, Michael, Jeremy and all the girls were hungover, and sitting through the priest’s sermon was sending visible shockwaves through them every time he got above speaking volume.

Worst of all, Geoff and Jack kept sending Gavin worried glances. Gavin could remember most of what happened last night- but the very end was a bit fuzzy. He would have to talk to them at some point, but he was hoping to prolong it. Michael definitely had the worst hangover out of all of them- he honestly looked like a zombie (in Gavin’s opinion). Ryan said that he and Ray had gone home early (and from the happy, dazed look on Ray’s face they probably did a little more than walk home together). The others stayed later- and Michael had found some boy to fan over for a couple of hours until they had to set of home.

After service the boys had sport while the girls did their needlework session. Meg Turney was amazing at sowing, often making her own clothes and accessories. However, Ashley and Barbara could barely follow a basic instructions booklet- often making mismatched stuffed toys or ugly tapestry pieces.

Sports were for Gavin just as bad as needlework was for Ash and Barbara. He had a special leg for running- a really cheap version of those super cool Paralympian prosthetics. It was a steel grey with light blue highlights- contrasting to his usual more realistic leg.

He felt more exposed- more obvious- in it.

This month they were playing football (or soccer as they called it here). It was pretty useless expecting Gavin to do anything- he could barely jog in that ridiculous leg let alone kick a ball, but he was never picked last for a team which made him happier than he would ever dare admit.

Anyway this morning the game of football was pretty funny- Jon Risinger and Miles Luna were the only actual good players so they carried both of the teams- and everyone followed the ball like dogs following a sheep.

However the real highlight was when Jeremy scored two own goals- one right after another. Everyone was in fits of giggles as Michael pretended to be angry at him- yelling and raving right in his face- all the while laughing and grinning.

It was the happiest Gavin had been since he lost his leg.

Gavin was sitting in his room reading his set text (‘Romeo and Juliet’) when Jack and Geoff peered their heads around the door in the style of a cartoon. Gavin couldn’t help but laugh at their goofy faces as they entered the room and sat down- Jack next to him on the bed and Geoff on the bottom bunk opposite (he had to move Ray’s books out of the way first.)

“Gavin, we, uh, just wanted to make sure everything was okay, you know, after last night?” Jack started

“Yeah I really overstepped the mark last night- I really didn’t mean to upset you. I can be a bit of an idiot when I’m drunk.” Geoff said, catching Gavin’s eye.

Gavin wringed his hands out in his lap.

“Its fine- I was being a bit of a pussy too. I shouldn’t have reacted so pathetically- you guys were just being curious and I just broke down on you”

“Hey, don’t blame yourself, it was completely our fault.” Geoff seemed a little taken-back by Gavin’s complete cop-out. He would expect more anger than that- Geoff was being a right prick last night- pushing Gavin when he obviously wanted to just drop the subject.

“Well, it was more Geoff’s than mine”

“Hey!” Geoff pretended to be indignant, but soon broke into a wide grin when he heard the slight laugh come from Gavin.

He had to protect him.

He was too sweet, too innocent, too vulnerable. Geoff could see the effect this place was having on him already- he looked happier now than when he arrived- but that only stood to testify how shit his life must’ve been beforehand if this was an improvement.

Gavin seemed like a child to Geoff, but he knew that he must’ve gone through so much to get here and to still have that essence of fairness and charm.

It wasn’t fair- but then again- nothing ever was.

Not for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1)I know I say this everytime but I'm not entierly sure about this chapter.  
> 2) The plot will come faster soon.... ya know, hopefully.  
> 3) I love everyone who reads this :D


	8. What kind of Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first part of this is explicit smut (but fluffy)  
> after the line break there is a GRAPHIC scene of rape.  
> PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not read if this makes you uncomfortable.  
> There is a summary of the chapter in the author notes at the bottom.  
> THIS IS THE MOST GRAPHIC THIS FANFICTION SHOULD GET.

  **PAST- 12 months previous 27th April**

Gavin and Dan were home alone. So far they’d eaten crappy Chinese takeaway, played rock band and halo, and they were now in Dan’s bedroom watching a funny (but unmemorable) adventure movie in their pyjamas.

The only logical next step was to start making out. Dan caught Gav unawares, trapping his lips in a gentle kiss, enjoying the little strangled noise escaping from the others throat. They broke apart for a second so Gavin could get more comfortable- instead of having to crane his neck to reach Dan’s lips he sat straddling his hips so he could just lean down. They grinned at each other for a second before Gavin dove back down for another kiss. Gavin could feel Dan laughing softly underneath him, which felt strange when they were kissing, but quite nice as well.

He decided to do something new. He broke of the kiss- liking the look of confusion on Dan’s face- and moved his lips to his jaw, and then kissed a trail down his collarbone, a small gasp escaping from Dan. The tone had changed from the pleasant warmth to a gentle lust as Dan’s hips started to move beneath him and Gavin responded by grinding his own in the same rhythm.

With trembling hands Gavin reached to the hem of Dan’s shirt and pulled it over Dan’s head, both of them laughing as the t-shirt got stuck on Dan’s head for a few seconds before finally coming free. As he sat up, and stopped grinding, he allowed his fingers to trace the ridges of Dan’s chest, and brushed his thumbs over his hardening nipples (Gavin was, meanwhile, turning redder and redder.) Dan reached to tug on Gavin’s shirt to let him know it should come off.

“Wow, Chewbacca. Never knew you were that hairy” Dan said, laughing a little, but blushing nevertheless at Gavin’s now-bare torso. He ran his hands down either side, warm and gentle.

“Shut up you prick” Gavin leant down so he was centimetres away from Dan’s face before biting down on the boy’s lip and kissing along his jawline once more.

A low moan came from the boy beneath him, as he began to wriggle and, much to Dan’s later embarrassment, start to grind much harder against Gavin.

“How…How far do you want to go?” Dan said- his breath slightly heavy against Gavin’s cheek.

“I’m a virgin” Gavin sat up again, still straddling his hips, hands resting on Dan’s torso.

“Me too… how about we keep going till someone wants to stop? I mean, if… if that’s alright with you. I have condoms and lube… my mum kind of brought them for me.”

“You got your mum to buy you jonnies?” Gavin chuckled now- and Dan grinned at the sight.

“She got a bit overexcited when she found out I had a boyfriend. Anyway- you alright with, you know, doing something a bit more, you know, explicit?”

“Okay… but I don’t want to do anything with my arse, if you know what I mean”

“That’s okay- I wouldn’t know what to do anyway”

Suddenly Dan flipped them so he was the one straddling Gavin. It would have been a smooth move had Gav’s arm not got caught in-between them awkwardly, but after a little reshuffling they got back to business- only now it was Dan kissing Gavin’s neck and chest.

Gavin’s heart rate picked up as he trailed his hand down to the waistband of Dan’s pyjama pants and slipped a finger and then his hands between the fabric and his skin. He traced his fingers over Dan’s hip bones, still a little too nervous to actually get too much closer to his member.

Dan sat back up straight slowly and nudged Gavin’s hands out of his pyjama pants. Gavin made a confused face and started to sit up to check if Dan was okay, but was pushed back down. Dan swung his leg around so he was no longer straddling Gavin and pulled his pyjama bottoms down- leaving them in a heap on his bedroom floor. He then gave a gentle tug to Gavin’s own pyjama pants, looking up at Gavin to get approval before slowly pulling them as far as he could in his position on the side of the bed as Gavin wriggled them off from his calves.

Both of them were blushing now as Dan separated Gavin’s legs before moving forward to kneel in-between them. Gavin’s hands gripped Dan’s hips while he moved his hands timidly towards Gavin’s half-mast penis.

Gavin buckled and let out a small strangled sound as Dan wrapped his hands around him- before sitting up and reaching his own hand out to grip Dan’s member. The top of Gavin’s head was tucked onto Dan’s chest and Dan could feel the heat of Gav’s breath on his stomach, as both of them started to pump the other boy’s penis. It was strange and experimental, both of them responding to the moans and cries of the other, and if you were to ask them later they’d say that the entire experience was a strange mixture of pleasure and confusion, but they wouldn’t change it for the world.

Dan came first with a cry followed by a few short whimpers- all over both their stomachs and hands. Gavin was soon to follow after a few quicker flicks of Dan’s wrist- his sticky liquid mixing with Dan’s over their torsos as he threw his head back with a silent shout.

Both of them took a couple of moments to catch their breaths before making eye contact once more. Gavin was bright red and sweaty, but, as he gave Dan a lopsided grin, Dan thought he’d never looked more beautiful. Dan reached down with one arm to get his pyjama bottoms to mop up some of the cum- still leaving a sticky feeling, but he was too tired to worry about that now. Gavin moved backwards and closed his legs together before pulling Dan towards him by his waist- who responded by lying beside him and wrapping his arm around Gavin’s torso. Gavin lay with his head on Dan’s chest- before nuzzling into him and almost instantly falling asleep. Dan took a second to marvel at his boyfriends sleeping form before letting himself be dragged into the warmth of slumber.

 

* * *

 

**PRESENT- 27th April 2016**

“So, Gavin, how have you been lately?”

“Good sir. And you?”

“I’ve been okay Gavin, very happy with you and your progress.”

“Th-Thank you sir.”

A couple of weeks had passed and Gavin had now got to level two clearance- which meant he got another session of therapy every week with Mr. Heyman- who was far more intense than Mrs. Carlston could ever be. Right now he was sitting next to Gavin on a sofa since he ‘didn’t believe in rigid adult-teen boundaries’ which somehow included desks. Gavin didn’t really get it- but he wasn’t about to argue with someone who creeped him out so much.

“So, this weekend will be your first time outside in around a month right? Are you excited?”

“Yes sir, I’m really looking forward to it.”

“You see- that’s what I like about you Gavin. Always so positive and lovely.”

Mr. Heyman rested a hand on Gavin’s knee. He tried to shuffle back- and then push it off but his hand still lingered.

“I’m sorry you had to see what happened in that group therapy session the other day. That Lindsay is a right madam and I often find that in order to help kids like you lot we need to break down their boundaries first. However, with you, I think we need something a bit gentler. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Yes sir.”

“So, why don’t you start describing to me your family life at home?”

“I-I have my parents and my little sister.”

“Good, so what’s your little sister like?” Mr. Heyman’s thumb started to rub circles on Gavin’s thigh and Gavin started to wriggle slightly.

“She’s very n-nice sir. She started high-school this year.”

“And you don’t want your sister to be embarrassed of you, do you?”

“N-no sir?”

“I’ve had my eye on you” Mr. Heyman went on while bringing his hand up higher on Gavin’s thigh. “I don’t usually do one-on-one therapy these days- but when I saw you I thought I’d make a little exception.”

Gavin snapped a little now “Sir, please can you stop touching my leg. I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression or something, but I’d rather you didn’t”

“Are you being rude to me Gavin?”

“I’m sorry sir, I-I didn’t mean to”

“Good, you’re forgiven.”

Mr. Heyman’s hand then moved to cup Gavin’s groin.

Gavin let out a strangled noise and tried to stand up, but he was caught by Mr. Heyman’s hand tightly gripping his wrist.

“Don’t you dear make another noise. I’m gunna fuck your little twink ass and you aren’t going to tell a single person or I’ll tell every single other person here how you lost your leg. Are you understanding me?”

“Y-yes. Please I’m sorry- I won’t be rude again, please just let me go sir”

“I don’t think that’s going to happen now- do you Gavin?”

Gavin yanked his arm free and was going towards the door when Mr. Heyman’s hand reached to gag his mouth and pull him close, as his other moved to unbuckle his belt and pull his jeans and boxers down on to the floor. Gavin looked around frantically- and his heart sank when he saw that it was another thirty minutes to lunch and realised that no one would come looking for him.

He tried to wriggle out of his grip- even biting down on Mr. Heyman’s hand- but then he was pushed over the table in the corner, Gavin’s hands tied by his own belt, and the man’s hand in his mouth replaced with a thinner belt tied at the back. His arse was high in the air and his flaccid penis was exposed and becoming harder as Mr. Heyman played with it. He had never felt as vulnerable as when he heard Mr. Heyman’s jeans being un-zipped, and felt an un-lubed finger push its way into his arse- already painful due to the tensing of his muscles.

He heard Mr. Heyman gasp slightly, and then spit, before feeling a wet feeling in-between his cheeks.

He started to cry.

“Open your legs.”

Gavin kept his legs still- one final attempt to be disobedient.

“Suit yourself.”

Mr. Heyman pulled his legs apart violently, and soon Gavin felt the man’s cock pushing against his arsehole. Gavin felt himself stretching and it was becoming more and more painful. He shouted into the belt but it came out muffled and caused little streams of dribble to land on the table in front of him.

“It looks like you’re bleeding a little back here Gavy. It seems like we’re going to need to work on stretching you out and keeping you relaxed in the future sessions.”

Gavin silently sobbed as he tried to force himself to relax and let the older man in. He could feel the wetness of his own blood running down his thighs- and could only imagine how awful it looked.

When Mr. Heyman finally got inside of him he started moving in and out- gasping and sighing as he moved. He reached his hand underneath Gavin in order to pump his member- but Gavin was almost completely flaccid due to the pain. It didn’t stop the older man from playing with the sensitive cock- his hands leaving bloody fingertips all over Gavin’s skin.

Eventually Mr. Heyman came- filling Gavin up with his warm liquid. Gavin’s skin was burning and tender as he finally pulled out and rimmed the boys hole with his finger. He left Gavin standing there for a minute as he answered a phone call- Gavin too tired and too scared to move- before untying Gavin’s hands and ungagging him.

Gavin could barely stand- and he felt like he was drunk and high at the same time- confused. Mr. Heyman helped Gavin back into his boxers and then into his jeans- before telling him that he would cover for him at lunch while he took a shower.

Gavin was in a daze- wobbling down the corridor to the communal showers.

He got undressed- feeling the cum leaking out of him with every move before getting under the shower.

Gavin sobbed into floor of the showers as he cleaned the blood from his legs- hating how his body felt so foreign to him now.

His body had let him down- again.

He had to get the feeling of Mr. Heyman’s hands of him.

He had to get his poison out of him.

He turned the heat all the way up- till his skin was lobster-red and hurting the touch.

But it wasn’t enough.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PAST- Dan and Gavin give each other hand jobs  
> PRESENT- Mr Heyman violently rapes Gavin
> 
> 1)I'm sorry.  
> 2) NO MORE GRAPHIC RAPE FROM NOW ON IT'LL JUST BE IMPLIED  
> 3) this was always part of the plot but when I wrote it it came out far more explicit than I had planned.  
> 4) thank you anyone who gave their opinion on the idea of putting smut into this  
> 5) I love any of you guys who stay with me after this


	9. Spectum

**PAST- 11 months previous 19th May 2015**

“So, Gavin, how’s America treating you so far?”

“Pretty good actually- everyone seems very nice so far.”

Gavin had been invited for dinner at Dan’s house. They were eating his mum’s burnt lasagne (Dan said that she often tried to do the whole 1950’s housewife thing but often completely and dismally failed). Dan’s parents were divorced so his mum was raising them all by herself- and sometimes things got away from her.

His brothers- James and Stephen- were there, and they seemed okay so far (but Gavin couldn’t really tell them apart too well).

“Gavin the question that we’re all dying to know the answer to is how you can put up with our dear little brother for longer than five minutes at a time.” James asked as he ate some of the less ‘well-done’ bits of lasagne.

“Ey, you. At least Dan didn’t clog the toilet last night” his mum swanned in laughing as she went.

“That was Steven!”

“Yeah right James, we all know your massive shits” Dan commented

“Oi- no swearing in front of our guests- sorry Gavin for my son’s dismal behaviour.”

“Oh it’s okay Miss, I’m completely used to it”

“Oh really now.” She gave Dan a steady glare before continuing “And anyway- I told you to call me Anna- as you can probably tell we ain’t too formal around here.”

“Sorry Anna. This is really nice by the way”

“You can tell the truth sweetie. It’s pretty crap- cooking was never really my thing and I didn’t have too long to get ready for you coming over tonight- I had to cover an extra shift at the hospital because one of the agency nurses flaked out on us again.”

“Wait was that Margery again? I thought you said you were gunna talk to her boss and get him to fire her?”

“I was, but I just felt so mean at the idea of it. I’m gunna yell at her tomorrow though- and I’ve already left her a passive aggressive email and voicemail so hopefully she’ll get the picture”

“Jeeze mom- you’re too nice for your own good.”

“Let’s just change the subject now. Gavin, are you and Dan gunna go to the homecoming together next week? If you are I’m more than happy to drive you guys there and back.”

Dan and Gavin made eye contact from across the table and both of them turned a little redder at the idea.

“I think we were gunna go in a group with our mates, you know, cause Gav’s parents and the school don’t really know about us yet.”

 “Oh. Shit, sorry that was a super dumb question, god nothing like a double shift to frazzle your brain.”

“Wait- you two are going out?” Steven asked- resulting in a slap on the back of the head from James.

“Of course they are you donut- Dan told us last week remember? I’m definitely the smart twin.” James looked around for approval and was greeted by a snorting Dan and a grinning mother.

“No comment. Is everyone done? I popped round Walmart and grabbed us that apple pie Dan likes for desert”

“Aw yes, you’re the best Mom!”

“Well, I try.”

* * *

 

  **PRESENT- 27th April 2016**

Gavin had been in the shower for too long.

His hands were winkled like prawns, his eyes bloodshot and he was starting to feel numb in the part of the arm he was leaning on.

But he daren’t sit down. He’d cleaned himself from the cum and the blood- but lines remained on his wrists from where the belt had rubbed him slightly raw.

After the tears of initial shock he hadn’t cried again- forbidding himself from letting him feel emotion towards this man.

All of a sudden it was too hot.

He sprung away from the water- feeling the strange relief of cool air.

Since when was cool air comforting?

Gavin was tired now- feeling the smothering blanket of exhaustion begin to descend over him. It was only two in the afternoon but nonetheless he went back to his dorm hoping it would be empty so he could take a nap before afternoon sports.

It wasn’t.

Michael was there- on the top bunk of their bed reading a comic book. As soon as he saw Gavin he grinned at him before holding out his hand. Inside his closed fist was a slightly squashed ham roll covered in a red tissue, which he proceeded to plop into Gavin’s open palm.

“Why’d you miss lunch Gavvy? Was it Heyman?” Michael asked as Gavin sat down on his own bunk.

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Hey, you alright dude? Mr. Heymans pretty intense in group therapy- I can’t even imagine how bad he’d be in one-to-one sessions. You really lucked out getting him, didn’t you?” Michael snorted a little, but then realised that Gavin was unnaturally silent, and was still just perched on the side of his bed.

“Gavin? Hey, he didn’t say anything to you did he? Cause he’s full of bullshit”

“Don’t worry about it Michael, I’m okay”

“Well, obviously you’re not. What’d he do to you in there?”

“For fucks sake Michael, nothing goddam happened.” Gavin said, frustrated undertones in his voice. “Leave me alone I want to sleep”

“I- I’m sorry Gavin. I was just trying to be nice”

“Michael- I shouldn’t have snapped. I’m just tired.”

“Okay. Shit, sorry, um, I’ll leave you alone.”

Michael swung himself out of his bunk, landing on the floor with ease and trailed out of the room, watching how Gavin was curled up on himself, eyes wide open and fixated on the wall opposite.

He had to tell Jack that something had happened with Heyman. Jack was always good in these situations, being both calming and angry at the same time- a tone he had somehow perfected.

Michael found Geoff in the living room watching some weird documentary on zebra fish, sitting next to Jack who was knitting something (which Michael always found tragically funny- especially since he was so good at it).

“What’s up Michael?” Jack asked when he noticed him entering

“Not much- what you knitting?”

“Barbara needed some help with her final textiles project- you know- the one about making little kids clothes? I’m making her some stuff to hand in.”

“Cool- it looks good.”

“Where’s Gavin?” Geoff responded

“Oh fuck, yeah- I was meaning to talk to you about it. I think something happened with Heyman- he came back twenty minutes ago after showering and started snapping at me and shit… Do you reckon Heyman said something? I tried to talk to him but he seemed super angry.”

“Heyman’s a dick- he probably tried to wind him up again.”

“I could talk to him maybe? I don’t know… He might want to just be left alone”

“I honestly don’t know- but he looked so sad. I think he trusts you enough to tell you what happened.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small chapter but I wanted to make sure I updated soon


	10. AUTHORS NOTE- this is not a chapter

Sorry about how long its been since ive updated- I've been doing DofE and I'm in year 10 so I have gcse mocks and a couple live examinations that have been really stressing me out, so I've been focusing on them rather than my hobbies (sadly this also means that the amount of rooster teeth I've been able to watch has dramatically declined).

Additionally my word document which had about two fully written future chapters on it crashed so it's been hard trying to find the motivation to re-write the chapters.

Thank you to anyone sticking with me and I hope to have a chapter up as soon as possible (I'll try and find time this weekend to speed write a couple of chapters)

Love Fran xx


	11. Between two lungs

**St. Andrews town, New Jersey**

**January 2013**

Michael Jones had never been one for rule breaking. Sure- he had his moments, and he certainly talked the talk- but didn't, at the end of the day, really want to get into trouble. 

Call him what you want for it (his friends lovingly duping him as a pussy) but he wasn't gunna do any illegal shit (apart from drinking. That was a different story). 

And so, when his friends started planning an (illegal) fireworks party up St. Andrews mount, Michael counted himself out. 

He found himself alone on a Saturday night. There wasn't much to do in Michael's small, beat up town. It's only claim to fame was the small mountain that the people could go up, but even that would only bring in a handful of tourists a day. It's real attraction to outsiders was that it broke up a long stretch of sun-stunned highway, and had a cheap motel on the outskirts. Michael’s parents owned the motel, and were immensely proud of it's three star rating. It had a ‘golden age of Hollywood’ theme- neon signs lit up the parking lot, and when you walked in the foyer it was designed like an old American diner- only with more vomit stains on the carpet. 

Talking of American diners, the town also sported one of them. It was some relic of the past- and it probably used to be a real nice place to go before the jukebox broke and the decor replaced with tacky neon plastic.

Despite this, it was the only thing Michael really truly liked about this town. It was welcomingly bright and warm- and the woman behind the counter (Mrs. Alliyah) was always lovely and sweet to Michael, no matter how snappy a mood he was in. When he was being bullied, she knew long before his parents, and would provide him with free vanilla milkshakes while putting cream and plasters on his cuts.

She wasn't there tonight. 

Michael was feeling lonely- the crackle of every firework creating a backing track of teenage angst to his stupid depressing life. He almost thought about ditching the diner and getting someone to drive him to the party when he saw several police cars start to climb the mountain. 

Maybe it wasn't such a great idea. 

The person behind the counter tonight was a boy from his highschool who had a reputation for doing crack behind the bike shed. He was a year older that Michael, and was obviously going through his cringey emo phase- hair dyed a greasy black with red highlights, matching dark clothes head to toe- with some obscure (and probably pretentious) band t-shirt. He smirked when he saw Michael, as if he smelt something bad. Michael just let it roll past him. He was not gunna be intimidated by someone as embarrassing as this boy. He ordered his normal (double bacon cheeseburger with cheesy curly fries and a vanilla milkshake with extra cream) and sat it his favourite seat- a stool on the counter which was angled so he could see pretty much everything going on in the diner. It was almost completely full- which was normal for a Saturday night. It  _ was  _ the only restaurant in town after all.

He was halfway through his burger when he felt someone slide into the stool next to him. This was unusual, especially considering there were several over stools to choose from, but not unheard of. Maybe it would just be some old guy looking for some company.

It wasn’t.

It was a boy about Michael’s age. He dressed like he would have fit in with the diner when it was built- brown hair slicked back and a dark blue button up jersey.

Michael would have snorted had his mom not raised him to be a good boy.

“How’s it going? You from around here?” The boy asked, looking directly at Michael.

Michael had never been good at eye contact- so he felt uncomfortable when their eyes met.

At least, that’s what he told himself.

The boy was southern- somewhere from the Deep South- you could tell by his accent.

“Yeah, I was born and raised in this shithole. What about you?”

“Eh, just visiting”

“I could tell- I meant where you from, like properly”

The boy blushed a little at his mistake. Michael felt himself squirm a little.

“I’m from Houston- Texas.”

“Cool. So, uh, you here to climb St.Andrew?”

“What?”

“The mountain. You here to climb it? That’s why people usually come to stay here.”

“Oh, no, I’m not exactly the adventuring type. My aunt lives here, and my parents wanted me to get out into the country or some bull like that, so they sent me to spend the summer here”

“Isn’t Texas full of countryside and stuff?”

“I know! That’s what I kept telling them, but alas they didn’t wanna hear it”

“Alas?”

“Oh, sorry, consequences of private school education. God I must talk like such a prick” The boy laughed, his head tipping back to reveal a stip of stubble down his neck, which he’d obviously missed while shaving.

“Just a little” 

They grinned at each other.

“I’m Nathan”

“Michael”

“I kinda was wondering, well, I need some people to hang out with, and my Aunt’s not exactly the fun type, bless her soul, so maybe, ya know, if you don’t mind, we could hang out together?”

It was Michael’s time to blush

“I guess I could see myself hanging with a posh guy like you, as long as you pay for the drinks”

“Deal”

 

Michael’s parents loved Nathan. He was always sweet and good-mannered to them, and ate their greasy oven bake pizza’s with gusto. Nathan never even commented on the fact that Michael literally lived in a shitty motel with a window view to the parking lot.

Nathan’s aunt was actually Michael’s preschool teacher- Miss. Applebee. She was always nice to Michael, and he got the impression that she was very happy to see that Nathan had a friend. 

The town was too small to have a ‘nice neighbourhood’ and a ‘bad neighbourhood’ but it did have nice streets and slightly less nice streets. 

Miss Applebee didn’t even live on a street. She was a ten minute walk out from the center of town and her house was a four floor (not including the basement) beauty of a home. It had white siding and blue highlights, with pretty flowers growing out of flower boxes and framing the doorway. Inside it was painted and decorated in a pretty pastel and floral theme, except for this gorgeous dining room, which was startlingly white and furnished with cream chairs and window frames. The garden was surprisingly large, and as it started to get hot (well, hotter) they spent several days just lying about in it.

Michael’s normal friends thought Nathan was an asshole, that is, until he brought them all decent vodka (Michael was never sure how people could even taste the difference between vodka’s, let alone decide if it was a nice one or not, but he wasn’t one to complain.)

The thing Michael liked about Nathan was something intangible. He wasn’t entirely sure why they were friends- they were an unlikely pair- but they were friends nonetheless. They spent the summer in a hot haze, eating whatever ice cream was on sale at the local gas station and reading together in the sunny fields surrounding the town. 

Michael learnt that Nathan’s favourite colour was green, his father was the inventor of a hole punch that goes into a ring binder folder, he had a girlfriend named Alicia, he was severely dyslexic, and his parents were ashamed of him.

Nathan in return learnt that Michael’s favourite colour was blue, he was failing most of his classes,he was gay but his parents didn’t know, and he got excluded for fighting a boy who called him a faggot.

Their favourite thing to do quickly became roaming and walking the St.Andrew mountain and surrounding hills. They’d take some of Miss Applebee’s pre-made picnics (white bread ham sandwiches with the crusts cut off and cheese dippers) and climb for about an hour. They would then make dens, talk, explore or whatever they wanted until it was time to move on again. The trees got older the higher up the hills you got, starting with only years or decades old silver birches and evolving into huge oaks towards the top. It took about three hours to climb to the actual top, so they’d never done it. That is, until the last week of summer.

  
**PRESENT- 27th APRIL 2016**   
  
  


“What happened with you and Mr. Heyman?”

 

“What?”

 

“You heard me. What happened?” Geoff stood at the side of Gavin’s bunk, peering in staring at Gavin’s crumpled face. Jack stood a meter or so back- his face comforting and stern at the same time. 

 

Everything just felt so surreal to Gavin. He still couldn’t really believe it had actually, you know, happened.

 

“It doesn’t matter”

 

“Well it obviously does cause you’ve missed both lunch and dinner today just staring at the goddamned ceiling” Geoff scorned.

 

“I don’t want to tell you.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Cause I fucking don’t want to.” Gavin snapped at Geoff turning his head to face him. In his anger the blanket covering his raw-wrists came down slightly. Geoff and Gavin didn’t notice anything was wrong until Jack let a small sound escape his throat.

 

“Gavin, what the fuck happened to your wrists? How di...oh my god Heyman did this to you didn’t he?”

 

And then Gavin started crying. Proper, loud, annoying crying that only babies and toddlers do. Geoff seemed a little shocked- he knew Heyman was a creep, but he had no idea he would actually physically abuse the kids- but he was up the ladder to Gavin’s bunk in a heartbeat, trying to sooth the crying boy.

 

Jack was persistent though- “Is that all he did to you Gavin? Just nod or shake your head”

 

Gavin shook his head.

 

Geoff caught on.

 

“He raped you, didn’t he.” Gavin started shaking violently in Geoff’s arms.

 

“That dirty motherfucker, I’m gunna go teach him what filthy pedo’s deserve” Geoff removed his arms from Gavin and made a move to get down the bunk, but was stopped both by Jack’s strong arms, and the little cry of:

 

“N-No please don’t”

 

“What?”

 

“Then he’ll know I told someone and he said if I told someone he’d do it again and tell everyone how I lost my leg”

 

“Gavin, we should tell someone. I know Miss. Carlston is annoying, but she would definitely fire him”

 

Gavin started crying again. He changed the subject.

 

“I shouldn’t have struggled, then it wouldn’t have hurt so much”

 

“No, he shouldn’t have done anything at all. Do you want some paracetamol, I have some in my room. It might help a bit” Jack asked 

Gavin nodded as Jack left.

 

He didn’t know what to do. He knew it wasn’t his fault, but he still felt guilty, heavy almost. He felt stupid, mostly, for letting it all to happen, for not seeing the warning signs, but then again, he would remind himself that it wasn’t really his job to spot them.

 

It still hurt though. To think about Mr.Heyman, to think about having to face him everyday.

 

Gavin couldn’t live with knowing that once a week he’d have to have a one-on-one session with him.

  
He just couldn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EXAM WEEK IS OVER!!!! this means (hopefully) that I can begin spewing out chapters like nobodies buisness. I would like to thank every single person reading this- especcially those who hung on even when I took a casual month hiatus. I love you guys <3  
> Feel free to comment your opinions or ideas about anything- I will try to reply (unless I can't think of a non-awkward response)


	12. Homewrecker

**St. Andrews town, New Jersey**

**August, 2013**

Michael had never really been camping before. When he was little his parents had put up the tent in the back yard for him to play in, and when he was seven at cubs they’d done a mini camp in the middle of some random field, but he wasn’t really sure if they counted. Nathan and he were going camping near the top of St. Andrew to celebrate the last week of summer, and they had unfortunately managed to choose a week plagued with a heatwave in which to do it.

Nathan was going home soon, and Michael felt like he was losing the only friend he had ever met. Sure he had casual friends, and drinking buddies, but Nathan was something else. Something strange drew Michael to him.

And so, on Sunday they both took their backpacks began to climb.

They stopped for lunch next to a huge tree with twisted and messed up branches. It was hot- extremely so, so they were drinking enough water to bleed a small lake dry.

“How did you know you were gay?”

Michael looked at Nathan in surprise. They were both sitting down in the grass and twigs, feeling almost too hot to move.

“I don’t fucking know, I guess the same way you know you’re straight. I had a crush on my male geography teacher instead of the hot female history teacher in elementary school and it all went downhill from there. Why? You having a gay crisis?” Michael snorted, only to be met with the silence from Nathan.

“Yeah, actually, I think I might be”

“Oh…”

There was an awkward pause for a couple of seconds.

“I just, you know, wanted to tell you before I left this Friday, but I was just too scared. You’re the first person I’ve told. In all honesty you’re the first person I’ve ever really trusted.” For once Nathan didn’t look confident- his usually unnerving eye contact faltering, and his pale skin pinker that usual (though that could have been the heat).

“You know, I’m always here for you and all that sappy bullshit.” Nathan snorted. “And I feel the same. You know, about trusting you. You’re the first person who doesn’t see me as just angry all the time. But, what about your girlfriend?”

“We’ve never got further than kissing, it doesn’t mean anything.” Nathan looked back to Michael now, the eye contact returning.

“Not to you maybe. I’ve never even been fucking kissed, if someone kissed me and said it meant nothing I’d be pretty damn upset.”

“You think I should break up with her.”

“Well, duh, gay guys don’t typically have girlfriends”

“But I don’t know for sure if I’m gay!”

“I guess… I mean it’s your call. I just think it’s a little unfair.”

“Everything’s unfair.”

“Says the private school student”

They both laughed.

“Sorry, that was kinda uncalled for. Honestly your love life has got fuck all to do with me, do whatever the fuck you want mate”

There was a pause. The heat was causing sweat to dribble down Nathan’s face and onto his neck.

“You know what? This has been the best summer of my life.”

“Seriously? Spending your time in this shithole?”

“Well, it’s less the place, more the people.”

“Oh… well I’ve had a pretty fucking great summer too! Do you remember when we got drunk in your aunts shed and accidentally got locked in?”

“Or when you set that bin on fire in the park- I mean that was pretty fucking funny”

They chatted on for a few minutes until the conversation came to a natural pause. By now they were lying down on the floor, arms nearly touching, sweating and shiny-faced.

They decided it was too hot to walk, so they were going to take another hour or so break until the peak of the day passed  (after all, it was better to be a bit short of the campsite than to get heatstroke).

“Have you really never been kissed?”

“No. It’s just hard to find gay people here, and I’m not out yet. My parents would kill me if they knew. Anyway, not all of us live in fucking central cities with multiple high schools and loads of cute people. There are like 100 people around my age in this town and surrounding area, and most of them are homophobic, or fucking stupid.”

“My girlfriend was my first kiss. We were drunk, and my friends were egging me on.”

“That doesn’t sound great.”

“Yeah. Pretty sure I could’ve drowned in the amount of saliva we shared. Like, there was a literal pool of spit.”

“Dude, that’s so fucking gross!”

“Yeah, I threw up like immediately after. Though that could’ve been the dodgy liquor.”

“Dude, stop!”

“And after I threw up she tried to kiss me again immediately, but then she threw up ‘cause she was really fucking drunk”

Michael turned onto his side to hit Nathan, but the other boy caught his forearm before he could make contact.

“Hey!”

And then Nathan craned his neck, and Michael knew what was going to happen.

They kissed.

  **PRESENT- 27th APRIL 2016**

“We have to run away.” Geoff said, matter-of-factly. He and Jack were sitting in their room together, digesting the events of the day.

“What?” Jack was reading the latest batman comic that Jon had lent to him, trying to think of anything but the dilemma he had just been forced to deal with.

“We have to leave, there’s no way Gavin can stay here.”

“But we don’t have any money! And no one to help us. Also, who would run away with us? I’d hate to leave anyone behind.”

“We take Gavin, Michael, Ray and Ryan, Lindsay, Meg and Barb. Between us someone has to know somebody who could help.”

“But they’re gunna want a reason to run away, we can’t just spring it on them, and there’s no way Gavin would be up to telling so many people so soon.”

“Do we have to have a reason though? Everyone hates it here, and now we just found out that one of the guys is literally a fucking rapist.”

“Look, Geoff I know it sucks, but we can’t just be making rash decisions. Yes it’s gunna be awful for Gavin, and we have to be here for him, but we can’t just run into the night and expect everything to turn out okay.”

“Can we at least ask if people know anyone that could help us if we were to run away?”

“Geoff.”

“Please? For Gavin?”

Jack sighed. “Yes, but don’t get your hopes up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And she's back! (with a short and kinda shit chapter)  
> Thanks for the support <3  
> feel free to talk to me on my tumblr- seriesofdumbchoices


	13. shampain

**Alabama**

**March 2014**

Geoff was high. Again.

To be fair, it wasn’t his fault this time. Honestly!

Someone had to have slipped something into his drink, or maybe he had a contact high, or someone had accidentally injected him. He couldn’t remember getting high this time, so maybe it wasn’t his fault. Just for once.

His thoughts were a confused muddle of happiness, and he found himself plodding home while holding a huge teddy bear, vomiting several times in his neighbours bushes. Honestly, he thought, they should be thankful! It’s basically free fertilizer.

He fumbled with his keys, unable to remember which one was his front door key, before eventually getting in.

He was hungry. Very hungry.

He opened every cupboard in his kitchen hoping to find something, and managed to find a massive box of cookies, and ate every single one (even the strangely frosted Christmas cookies).

Oh. Maybe they weren’t strangely frosted.

Geoff threw up into his kitchen sink.

“Great” he thought “now there’s no chance mom hasn’t heard me.” 

He heard movement upstairs, the sound of flooroards creeking.

“Geoff?” Called his mom from the upstairs landing “What are you doing back so late?”

“S-sorry mom, I’m going to bed now!” Geoff called back, but it was too late. He heard his mother start to climb down the stairs and walk into the kitchen.

“You’re high, aren’t you?”

“…Yes, but it wasn’t my fault this time! I th-think someone slipped something into my drink!”

“That’s bullshit and we both know it. You remember what we said, don’t you? Next time you come home high I’m sending you to a rehab camp, and here you are, high again”

Geoff lived with his mother, step-father (Gerry) and step-siblings in a seven bedroom suburban home. The house was beautiful- large and modern. It was designed by his step-father, a successful architect- for Geoff’s mother as a honeymoon gift.

Geoff’s step-siblings were very sweet. There was the seven year old Charlotte, and the five year old James, both of them cute and funny. Their mother had died giving birth to James, and their father had married Geoff’s mother a couple years later.

Before his mother met Gerry they were living in a one bedroom flat, painfully poor, and painfully aware of it. They didn’t have a television or a car, and it wasn’t because they were strange environment nerds. Geoff’s classmates would laugh at his knock-off action-men and hotwheels, and he started to resent anyone with money- his friends who went on expensive spring break trips, or those who were able to get designer trainers or the newest iPhone.

All of that changed when his mother married his step-father. Suddenly Geoff was taking trips to Europe, eating fancy meals and wearing $200 trainers to _school._

And all was good. For a while.

Then Gerry started hitting Geoff. It was never over much- Geoff forgetting to do his chores, or answering back, and it was small at first, the occasional slap, the odd punch, but soon it escalated into bruises all over his torso, leading to questions from his friends and from the school. He found himself lying for his step-father- after all, he had changed their life for the better- hadn’t he?

Almost worse than the abuse was that his mother would never do anything to stop it. She would instead tell Geoff that he shouldn’t annoy his ‘new dad’ and tell him to keep out of Gerry’s way. But how, really, could you keep out of the way who deliberately sought out to hurt you?

So it was sort-of inevitable when Geoff turned to drugs. He had done them casually with his friends before, just for fun, but soon it became less casual and more repetitive, until he barely went a week without heroin, and never a day without a few paracetamols (which sounded kinda pathetic- even to Geoff). He was also a fan of ecstasy and LSD, but he wasn’t really dependant on them.

He knew he had a problem- he wasn’t dumb- but he always just thought he really, really needed the extra little bit of help to get him through the days.

His mother didn’t agree.

Geoff had always respected her- working three minimum wage jobs when his birth father left in order to support them- but even her love for him wasn’t enough to make him stop.

In a way, his mother’s addiction to Gerry lead to Geoff’s addiction to drugs:

And neither of them knew how to quit.

* * *

  **PRESENT**

“Hey Gavin.” Barbara said as she plopped her breakfast tray down opposite Gavin’s own food.

“Hi Barb.”

“Are you feeling better today? Geoff said you had a really bad headache and that’s why you weren’t at dinner yesterday.”

“Yeah, it’s something like that.”

“Was it Heyman? I can’t believe you got lumped with him. He only takes like two kids at a time so what were the chances he’d get you.”

“Who are the other ones? Who else got him?”

“Lindsay’s had him for years. That’s why she gets so upset with him in the group counselling sessions. She never talks about the sessions. Maybe she’d speak with you?”

“Maybe. Hey, do you want my bacon?”

“Woah, Gavin Free, giving up bacon?”

“Eh, I’m just not hungry this morning.”

With a startling bang Michael plopped down onto the seat next to Gavin.

“What’s up Bab, Gav?”

“Not an awful lot. Are you guys going to the forest tonight?” Barbara said, smiling. Barbara always smiled, and it made Gavin feel a little uneasy.

“Probably not. It’s meant to rain tonight, and I don’t know ‘bout you but I really don’t feel like freezing my balls off.”

“I feel you” Barbara said

“No thanks” Michael replied.

Just then Geoff and Ryan also turned up: with Geoff’s usual call of ‘hey bitches’ alerting them to their presence.

“I was thinking we could go to the attic tonight- I feel like a bit of Poker” Geoff said as he sat next to Gavin.

“Aw, but I don’t have any money at the moment!” Barbara moaned.

“Yeah, but you always have porno mags, bring a couple of those along and you’ll be set”

Geoff found himself glancing at Gavin's injured wrists. He couldn't seem to stop worrying about Gavin- couldn't help but feel like he'd failed the boy.

It had been three days since Gavin was raped.

He was doing okay, you know, all things considered.

The main emotion Gav felt was scared. He didn’t feel safe, not even with Geoff and Jack acting guard dogs and Michael snapping at anyone asking awkward questions- even though he had no idea what was going on.

Michael. It hurt to look at him, hurt to think of him.

Gavin felt like he’d been ruined, as if Heyman’s hands had left him dirty and soiled. He could finally admit to himself that he liked Michael- you know, in that way- but how could Michael ever like Gavin now? He was already a cripple- and now he felt completely emotionally drained and distant.

* * *

 

The group (Gav, Geoff, Jack, Michael, Ryan, Ray, Jeremy, Matt, Barb, Meg and Lindsay) went up to the attic that night. They were a pretty large group, but they fit okay when Ray sat on Ryan’s lap, and Meg on Lindsay’s. They all brought their tradable items- porn mags, liquour, chocolate (I mean, what else could you possibly need in life)- and sat in the dingy room- cramped and boiling, but at least they were having fun.

The game mechanics were that each round the losers would all take a shot (even Ray and Ryan- though they only took half shots) and answer a question, and the winner would take their winnings and have to sit the next game out.

Five rounds in and everyone was pretty tipsy- and laughing quite hard at the truth questions:

-“Oi Jeremy” “Yeeesss mate” “When was the last time you wet your pants?” “…. Two months ago”

-"Michael how many boys have you slept with?" "One, like in the ass but more if you count blow jobs and shit"

-and "Gavvy how many boys have you kissed?" "...one" "awww you're such a sweetie" "fuck off geoff."

And then it went bad.

“Gav?” Barbara started flopping on him, giggling, “what did Heyman say to you? I’m sorry if I’m being mean but I really want to know.”

Some of the surrounding people turned their attention to their conversation- but Jack and Geoff were on the other side of the room and oblivious so couldn’t jump in to help Gavin.

“He… uh didn’t say anything”

 “Buuuuulllshit” Meg said, giggling “come, on tell us! We won’t laugh!”

"Meg, leave him alone, Heyman's a dick, Gav probably doesn't want to talk about it." Lindsay said.

Meg ignored her, and then she gasped suddenly “I bet he came onto you! My gaydar so goes off around him.”

Gavin turned red, and Meg and Barbara suddenly realised how close to the mark Meg had been.

“Oh shit, he did didn’t he?” Barbara said, as Meg immediately tried to apologise- she was a sloppy drunk, and her filter usually failed her.

“What’s going on here?” Michael asked- seeing the look on Gavin’s now burning face.

“n-nothing” Gavin stammered out “I’m just tired.” As he turned to find the trap door (which was thankfully right behind him) he felt his eyes well up a little.

He'd never felt so pathetic.

He walked back to the dorm as quietly as possible, and lay down onto his bunk. It wasn’t even five minutes later when he heard Michael come into the room, stumbling a little, and managing to knock a small pile of books onto the floor.

“You okay Gavvy? We all know you’re a lightweight but this really is taking the biscuit.” He snorted a little, before reaching out to give Gav the winnings Michael had got over the night (a gay porn mag, and two large hershey bars.)

"You seem like you need these more than I do"

“He raped me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's it going gang? Hope everyone on holiday is having fun! I'm going to america soon!! so um I'm v excited yes.


	14. Hollywood

**March, 2015**

**Austin, Texas**

Jack was very protective of his little sister.

She was fifteen and called Holly, and she was one of those uber cool but kinda freaky girls. Like- a nice version of Regina George. She was a freshman, and Jack a sophomore, but she was still considered super popular in his year- though that could be because she’d slept with more than a couple of the Jocks.

She was pretty- no doubt about it. Her hair was a wavy chocolate brown with the kind of subtle lighter highlights people pay a hundred dollars for. She had freckles and an easy smile, to go with her friendly and unassuming brown eyes. Her figure was fairly slim- though she was a little on the chunky side- something that made her self-conscious.

Holly, you know, _slept around_. Jack was pretty chill with it- not that it had anything to do with him- but he couldn’t help but worry for her, especially when she went with boys who were a couple years older than her. But really, at the end of the day, all he could really be was a shoulder to cry on if a boy was particularly nasty to her.

Her current boyfriend seemed nice enough- one of those hipster preppy blokes with the undercuts. He came round for dinner quite a bit, and took Holly out to super nice parties and cafés.

The only real problem was that he was into drugs- not hardcore or anything- just LSD and pot as far as Jack could tell, but a little LSD could so easily turn into a little codeine, or a little cocaine.

Holly could handle it- he was sure of that- but it left him worried nether-the-less.

 

**Present**

“He what?” Michael almost-shouted, before remembering that it was actually four in the morning.

“He… He raped me. Last week, in our therapy session.” Gavin looked at Michael. “Now you finally know why I was so upset.”

“Fuck… have you told anyone? Like anyone who could do anything?”

“No, I mean, why would they believe me over him? I don’t have any proof or anything, and he’s the one in a position of power.” Gavin sat up on his bunk, swinging his feet onto the floor, allowing Michael to sit down next to him.

“Gavin, fuck,” Michael swung an arm around Gavin’s shoulder “I’ve never been good with words or anything, but, you do know that I’m here for you and all that right? I’m so sorry to hear that something like this happened to you.”

Just that touch of kindness in Michael’s voice set Gavin off crying again. Gavin had been crying a lot that night- nothing like a touch of exhaustion and emotional constipation to set off the waterworks.

Instead of unkindness or laughing, or even pathetically asking if Gavin was ‘okay’, Michael made gentle circles with his fingers on Gavin’s upper arm, and small shushing noises with his mouth, until Gavin was able to calm himself down.

“Thank you micool”

“It’s Michael” he replied, a small smile on his lips.

Gavin let out a gentle giggle. A silence was held for a moment or two before Gavin turned to Michael.

“Do you ever think about killing yourself?”

A flash of surprise went across Michael’s face, but it was soon smothered. Gavin needed someone to be kind, someone to be honest, and it was not the time for some snarky remark.

“To tell you the truth, I used to. You know, in the period between my parents finding out I was gay and me coming here. If I’m frank, I still think about it occasionally. It seems easier right? Sometimes.” Gavin nodded slightly, to show he was listening “But, the way I see it, if I’d have killed myself three years ago when my parents found out I was gay, I never would’ve met any of you guys. And if I killed myself now, I don’t know how many versions of you guys I’d be missing out on, how many moments of happiness I would just never have experienced at all. So yeah, I get that it seems so much easier- especially for people in your situation- but this is such a small portion of your potential life, like, you could live to fucking one hundred! And I get that right now, these few years, will be shit, but just think about every single year your gunna have outta here, married to some cute boy with sweet adopted kids or whatever you’re into” Gavin was crying a little again. Michael started moving his hand up and down Gavin’s arm again “Look Gavin, I believe in you. You deserve happiness, and I know that all of your friends here would give up a lot to help you find it. Not that that fucking means a lot- we probably have a combined 20 dollars to our names.” Gavin snorted a little. It was safe to say that Gavin wasn’t a pretty crier- with his puffy red eyes staring down at Michael, but Michael just hoped he would be feeling a little better after their talk.

“Thanks Michael”

“You’re welcome Gavvy. You should go to sleep now.”

“Okay.”

Michael stood up and detangled his arm from Gavin’s. He took off his shoes and  jeans before climbing up the ladder to his bunk. They had lying in the dark for a minute or two before he felt the urge to speak.

“Gavin?”

“Yeah?”

“I really meant it. You know, that you deserve happiness. I’ve never met someone as hard-done by as you- and I promise you I’ll do whatever I can to get you the best life you could ever get.”

“You don’t have to”

“No, but I will. Just you wait Gavin Free, I’m gunna help you get yourself out of this hole”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My personal life has been fucking hectic recently so I'm a little busy (I came out as gay /and/ I had a lotta gcse stress to deal with), but I wanted to make sure I updated at some point soon.  
> Love you all xx


	15. I am not a robot.

**Past, Gavin Free**

“Gavin?”

“B?”

“Do you wanna have sex?”

Gavin was sitting in Dan’s bedroom, both of them in their most embarrassing pyjamas and playing Mario party 8. He was eating those Cheetos which left your hands covered in a thin layer of neon orange paste, and he was super tired from a day out with Dan. Overall, he was pretty sure he wasn’t the most alluring site.

“Right now?” Gavin asked- confusion clear in his voice

“No! No I meant like in the near future. I could make it super romantic! I could buy scented candles, and my mum might help me pay for a motel room!”

“Sounds super romantic.”

“Oh piss off! I could even steal a couple of roses of my aunt- you know- the florist?”

“It’s getting even better.” Gavin laughed a little to show he was only joking, before saying “It sounds lovely. Though, you do know that we don’t need all that? You know- to make the first time special?”

“But I want it. I want our first time to be the most romantic bullshit it the world- I’ll make it super classy! We can go somewhere fancy, like Olive Garden! -“

“-I love how you think Olive Garden is fancy- “

“-Push off, they give you free bread so they’re fancy in my books. Then we could go for a super adorable walk downtown” Gavin snorted but Dan kept on “And then we could go to the classy motel! Like the one inner city which isn’t as run down!” Gavin smiled at his boyfriend.

“So what do you think, I mean I know it probably isn’t your example of an ideal first time, but I hope it’s okay” Dan said, grinning and a little flushed.

“It sounds perfect.”

And then they kissed.

And everything was okay.

 

* * *

 

**Present, Third person**

When Gavin woke up, he was immediately aware that he was alone in the dorm. Which was strange.

What was even stranger was that it was obviously later in the day than scheduled weekday-wakeup (7:00), the sun bursting through the blinds and reaching to startle Gavin’s wide eyes.

He got up, attached his leg, and got dressed. It was quite a nice feeling, being able to get dressed without worrying about other people looking at him. He walked towards the dining room, which was thankfully noisy, and went in to see the usual group sitting at the usual table. Michael made room for him on the bench.

“What’s going on?” Gavin asked Lindsay, who was sitting opposite him.

“We don’t know. Mrs. Carlston didn’t do the morning rounds today, and so when I woke up it was about 8:30. I was really scared I’d be in trouble, but then I couldn’t see her anywhere.”

“That’s really weird”

“I left you to sleep cause you seemed real tired last night” Michael said, elbowing Gavin in the ribs.

“Thanks”

He tucked into his cereal (that Geoff had just taken from the kitchen since it seemed it wasn’t just Mrs. Carlston gone- but the whole staff.)

Meg approached Gavin from behind and gently tapped him on the shoulder “Gavin, I want to apologise for last night. I was really out of order asking you questions like that”

“Yeah, you were” Michael said, scoffing a little.

“Michael come on, give her a break. It’s okay Meg I know you were drunk. It doesn’t matter.”

“I’m still sorry though, I was super rude”

Just then Mrs. Carlston walked through the doors into the hall. She was wearing her usual ensemble, a tight violet cardigan bulging against her breasts and a dark blue dress which showed just the right amount of figure. However, today she did seem to be dolled up a bit- her hair pinned back to show of her growing-grey highlights, and her normal simple crucifix necklace replaced with a slightly more jazzy one with a sapphire in the middle.

“Hello everyone! Sorry I was unable to wake you up today, I was getting our lovely centre ready for one of the most exciting days of the year…”

“Oh no” Michael whispered as he made eye-contact with Geoff. “We shoulda guessed”

“What? What’s happening?” Barb whispered

“It’s Career day!” Mrs Carlston finished, her face lighting up with excitement.

Michael groaned and Geoff mimed braining himself on the table. Luckily, the more devout teenagers who were looking around excitedly and whooping covered this dismal reaction from Mrs. Carlston’s view.

“We have a few people from the local church community coming in, and, as a special guests, we have a group of local nuns from a few towns over! Girls, I urge you to at least consider a life as a nun, it can be a very fulfilling career.”

Meg and Lindsay pulled a face at each other.

“You wanna run away and become a nun with me?”

“You know it Babe”

“And boys! I haven’t forgot about you! We have some farmers and soldiers here as well, ready to take your questions!”

Gavin had to admit, it sounded better than a day of sport. It could be kind of fun to be a farmer!

“I could be a solider” Michael whispered to Gavin. Gavin looked taken back for a few seconds before he considered it. Michael could be a pretty good solider- he always stood up for what he thought he was right- but there was no way he’d be able to respect authority.

“You? Following orders?” Gavin whispered back. They both laughed a little while pretending to listen to Mrs. Carlston.

“Okay gang, who’s ready to meet their future selves?” Mrs Carlston said, sending Michael over the edge, snorting loudly next to Gavin’s giggling form.

“Something funny Michael? I think this day could be really helpful for someone like you, I mean you have no hobbies, don’t do well in school, and you’re a homosexual. Why would a normal employer even begin to consider you? I suggest you pay attention- today could change your life.”

Michael’s started to blush, and his eyes became fixed on the floor. He knew that that was what everyone thought of him, but it was something else to hear it said out loud.

A few moments passed before Gavin rested his hand on Michaels lower back, tracing small circles along his spine.

“Okay, well I’m sorry for that but it’s true. Now, will everyone follow me out to the back field.”

They all got up, groaning and watching Meg pretend to be a nun, before reaching the back field. To the side of the field were the allotment patches that the older teenagers were expected to look over, and in the middle on the stone paving were several tables with various people behind. Most of them were middle aged with thinning hair and a certain pompous look about them, except for the army guy. He was around late 20’s, skinny looking, with rough stubble littering his chin. That wasn’t, however, why he stood out the most. No, it was his leg. He had a prosthetic, just like Gavin. Hell, it looked like it had even been amputated at the same spot!

Gavin and the man made eye contact, followed with the solider smiling at him. Michael elbowed him in the stomach.

“Has Gavin Free got a crush only twenty seconds into the careers fair?” Michael asked, laughing.

“Shut up you prick! It’s just, I’ve never seen someone actually look good with half a leg missing” Michael looked up at Gavin, surprised.

“Are you serious? Have you looked in the mirror?”

“Oh fuck off.” Gavin laughed, blushing. “Do you wanna go visit him? You wanted to look at the army right?”

“Sure”

They walked over to his table.

“Hello boys” He said, laughing. “Looks like one of us is gunna have to change bro” he said, gesturing to Gavin.

They both laughed. “unfortunately I only have the one, so it looks like you’re gunna have to be the one changing today.”

“Lost mine in Afghanistan a couple years back. And you?”

“Accident, uh about a year ago.”

“Hmm… So what are your names?”

“I’m Michael” The solider stood up to shake his hand.

“And I’m Gavin”

“Lieutenant Jackson. So, you guys wanna join the army? I’m not gunna lie to you Gavin, you’re unlikely to see any active service with that leg of yours, but there are plenty more mechanical and residential jobs available for able minded men. I’m now a training and recruitment officer. It’s not exactly romantic, but it pays the bills. And Michael! You seem like a pretty able bodied young man. Are you able to take orders?”

“Um… I guess.”

“Hmm… If you wanna join up, you’re going to have to be sure on that. Talking back’s an easy, and super un-glamourous way to get discharged early.”

Michael hmmed and nodded his head. He seemed to be really taking it in.

“Look, I’ll level with you kids. This place seems like a hell hole. I get that it must be second nature to hate authority when you grow up with shit heads like that Miss. Carlston, but you’re gunna have to get over it if you wanna get anywhere in life.”

Michael and Gavin looked at each other. This guy was really winning them over.

“Is it okay to join the army. You know, if you’re gay?”

Lieutenant Jackson looked at him steadily. “Michael, Gavin, all you need to be to succeed in the army is fit, honest and able to take commands. People may shit on you if you’re gay, but if we’re honest where in life aren’t you gunna be shit on. You’ve been dealt a hard deal, so what? You’re just gunna have to play with what you got. I don’t think either of you are gunna chose the army as a future career path, and that’s okay, but I want you both to know that you being gay shouldn’t hold you down. Not in the land which I gave a leg for, and I’ve seen so many give their lives for.”

Michael smiled at him. “Thanks sir. I mean, Lietenant.”

“Anytime Michael. Here’s a nice little leaflet for you, and” he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pen before writing a number at the bottom, gesturing for them to lean in close “here’s my phone number you boys can call if you ever need a lift away from this place. I live a few miles away, with my wife, and I’d be able to drive you to Austin if you give me some notice.”

“Thank you so much sir, I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything Michael, you shouldn’t have to live somewhere like this. Oh, and Gavin, look after that leg of yours. See you boys around.


	16. Cosmic Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (mostly smut and filler so if you aren't into that don't read the first half)

The movie Dan and Gav had gone to see was very violent, and scary enough for Gavin’s hand to twitch in Dan’s at every jump scare.

Dan, on the other hand, was that asshole who laughed at all the fight scenes (but never too loudly, since he knew Gavin didn’t like it when people were distracting in movies.)

Afterwards, they walked to the Olive Garden a block or two away from the cinema, and Dan gave his blue puffa coat to Gavin even though it was barely chilly. Their table was towards the back of the restaurant, because Dan knew Gav feared people seeing them together. Dan’s mum had given him $40 to get dinner (as well as buying him a pack of condoms and a little leaflet on safe-sex which he promptly threw away) and so they both got massive plates of pasta.

It was weird, they were talking normally and happily, but they were both blushing at every mention of what was to come. Gav himself had done a whole load of research into how to, um, prepare himself, since they had decided that he would bottom (at least this time).

They also felt weird having just a normal meal, like an actual date, and they both felt uneasy with the amount of attention their waiter was giving them, and how much she was smiling at them at every chance she got. Romance and dating courtesies didn’t really suit them, and they agreed in the future if they were gunna do something like this, it would have to be somewhere a lot more casual.

Anyway, it was fun enough. They spent most of the time talking about Dan’s family, and how Gavin had been invited over for the annual fry-off. All his relatives were coming over to compete in the family competition, and Dan and Gav had put their name down to compete with Dan’s older brothers. Gavin wasn’t going to be too helpful, the most he’d ever barbequed was a couple of sausages and chicken kebabs back home in England, but it sounded like a lot of fun.

Soon dinner was over, and everything became a bit more real.

It was dark outside now, and Dan gave Gavin his coat again as they walked to the inner-city motel. Their hands were loosely interlocked as they walked, a calm silence overcoming them as their hands swung between them.

They walked into the motel, a tall concrete-block building with a laminated comic-sans sign announcing job opportunities as a cleaner. The floor was a grubby white carpet, with some dark grey stains, and a reception desk with peeling white plywood.

They picked up the keys at the reception desk from a bored middle-aged woman, who barely acknowledged them. Still, Gavin flushed and stood awkwardly, thinking it was glaringly obvious what they were about to do.

They took the piss-stained elevator to the third floor, and into room 23.

Dan closed the door behind him as Gavin launched himself fully clothed on the bed, giggling as he heard Dan stub his toe on the doorstop.

Dan walked over to him pretending to be sexy, hips swaying while giggling before grabbing Gavin’s hand. They both smiled at each other for a moment, before Dan asked,

“Are you sure you want to do this? I don’t want you to feel pressured of anything because I bought you dinner. We can just sleep like fully clothed next to ea-“

Gavin cut him off, getting onto his knees and reaching up gently to stroke Dan’s face and pull his face down to his.

Gavin kissed him slowly, lazily, and when he pulled apart from Dan he was smiling.

“I definitely want to do this, what about you?”

And then Dan pushed him backwards onto the bed, holding his arms above his head and kissing him hard.

Dan’s hand sneaked under Gavin’s shirt, trailing over his ribs, before gently thumbing his nipple.

Gavin gasped a little into his mouth at the contact.

He pulled apart from Dan quietly, and told him that he needed to ‘clean up’ before things got serious. Dan climbed off him, and let Gavin go to the bathroom.

Dan got the condoms out of his jacket pocket and sat on the bed, trying to stay calm. He was getting a little hot and bothered now they were just so close to doing what he’d been fantasising over for weeks, and was struggling slightly against the pressure of his jeans.

Gavin shyly left the bathroom in just his light blue boxers, and moved towards him. His blush seemed to travel down his chest, and Dan could see little freckles on Gav’s hipbones.

Dan’s jeans got tighter.

“Hi.”

“Hi” Gavin laughed as he walked over to Dan, and straddled his hips.

He leant down to suck at Dan’s jawline, gently enough to not leave too dark of a hickey, and felt Dan squirm at the pressure in his pants. Gavin’s hands reached down to unzip Dan’s jeans, and lifted himself up to pull them down.

Now there were was only two thin pieces of fabric between their half-mast cocks, and although they had both touched the other’s penises before, it was still exciting to think of them.

Gavin’s kissing changed from gentle and lazy to a forceful pressure, biting at Dan’s lips and giggling when he gasped.

Dan’s fingers slipped under Gavin’s boxers waistband to begin gripping at him, his other hand pulling Gav’s boxers down his legs.

Gavin’s hands pulled at Dan’s shirt, and they broke apart momentarily to pull it over his head, leaving Gavin free to roam his hands over his muscular torso, nails gently scratching down his sides. Gavin sat up slowly and began to grind down on Dan’s hips, drawing out a small moan from Dan’s lips. Dan’s hands edged closer to Gavin’s hole, before cautiously rimming his finger around it.

Gavin gasped, and grinded harder on Dan’s lap. Both their cocks were getting hard, and Dan took one of his hands away from Gavin to get the lube he had put on the bedside cabinet. He awkwardly tried to squirt it single handed, and ended up with a large blob of it on his arm.

“Bollocks” he said, laughing a little.

He took his other hand away from Gavin’s hole, who moaned a little at the loss of contact, to get some lube on his fingers. He re-placed his fingers at Gavin’s hole, more confident now, rimming slowly before sliding one finger, and then, when he’d relaxed, another in. Gavin gasped a little and bucked forward on Dan’s hips, Dan’s still clothed cock straining against Gav’s thigh.

Dan began moving his fingers, feeling Gavin relax around him before inserting another finger. Gavin shuddered slightly, goosebumps littering his arms as he got used to the feeling of being filled

“Are you ready?” Dan asked after a minute of him moving his fingers slowly in Gavin to try and stretch him out.

Gavin stuttered out a “God yes” and then Dan was pulling down his own y-fronts, quickly putting on a condom (one handed! He was very proud of himself), and trying to figure out how to position Gavin on top of him. He pulled his fingers out, and a few seconds later began to lower Gavin onto his hard cock.

Gavin felt strange. It was a weird mixture of pain and pleasure as he felt himself slowly relax around Dan. Dan began moving his hips slowly in and out of him, his arousal heightened by the gasping boy on top of him.

Gavin didn’t really understand the attraction of this, that is, until Dan had attempted a few slightly different angles and managed to hit his prostate.

He was promptly turned into a shivering mess.

He began moving himself, bouncing up and down, fucking himself silly, no longer caring about how this was going to feel in the morning.

Dan was close, very close. The sight of Gavin aggressively moving himself on Dan’s cock was making it impossibly hard for him to not come

With a small chanting of ‘Gav’ he felt himself release into the condom, quivering with the feeling. Seconds later Gavin spurted onto Dan’s torso, moaning loudly.

They both sat there, breathing heaving and smiling at each other.

Gavin climbed off Dan, took out the condom, and sat on the side of the bed. Dan sat up and kissed him softly, both giggling a little into the others mouth. Dan grabbed at Gavin’s fingers and guided him to lie next to him on the bed, and very soon they fell into a happy slumber.

 

* * *

 

Running away was going to be hard. Two weeks had passed since Gavin was first raped, and he had had two sessions with Mr. Heyman since. Both times he had come out upset, but he disclosed to those in the know that he hadn’t been raped again, just groped and abused verbally.

Michael was fuming, but there wasn’t very much he could really do. They had to keep it a secret that they knew what was happening every Wednesday at 11:30 in Mr. Heyman’s room, but this didn’t stop Michael from going with him to the sessions, and loitering around until he was released afterwards.

They had decided to run away next week, and Geoff had managed to steal one of their confiscated phones to contact Lieutenant Jackson, who had said that he could take 8 kids next Friday with his wife.

Geoff said he knew a guy from high school whose parents owned a bar and might let them stay for a bit, but after that, they had no clue what they were going to do.

They were taking a gamble, to help Gavin, and to help themselves escape from this weird-prison like place.

It was going to be worth it.

Hopefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lil Christmas present for you <3  
> I've been very busy with mocks and family, so I haven't been able to do very much recently. I do have a really clear plan for this story, it's just hard to find the time to actually write.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Whats up? I actually have a decent plan for this story- which will hopefully inspire me to actually update it regularly (no promises though- I'm currently doing GCSE's which probably have to come first). Also- since I'm English I hope I don't insult any Americans by getting their culture or anything wrong... Additionally- they'll all probably be off character in the begining but will hopefully get better as the story goes on.
> 
> Feel free to correct any spelling or grammer mistakes or comment any ideas about the characters :)  
> -Fran


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